San Francisco

It Was The Biggest Hunky Jesus Competition in History

Hunky Jesus, 2018

It was the largest and grandest Hunky Jesus competition ever seen by the world.  Never before in history have more Jesuses…or is it ‘Jeezi’?  (No one is quite sure what the plural of ‘Jesus’ is because when they wrote the Bible they didn’t know there were going to be so many of them).

(Ahem)  Never before in history have more Jesusses been present in one place, during Easter resurrection.  There were almost too many to name.  There was Refu-Jesus, Puerto Rican Refugee-Jesus, Jesus Christ Super Star, Drunk Jesus, Crucified Bunny Jesus, Shower Jesus, Sweet Jesus, Water into Wine Jesus, Old Jesus, New Jesus, and two ‘cheesuses’ (which is when you have two Christs and you decorate them with cheese).

The finalists of Hunky Jesus 2018

Sister Roma and Dana of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence emceed the competition and you couldn’t find a wittier pair of queens in all the Castro.  They kept the crowd laughing and the Jesuses kept the crowd cheering all through a sunny and brilliant afternoon in the Speedway Meadow of Golden Gate Park.

Yoga Jesus

There were several favorite Jesus Christs on the day, Yoga Jesus put on a yoga-inspired performance that had the crowd roaring for more, gun control Jesus had a clear and powerful message of ‘unloading barrels of love, not barrels of bullets” (I’m paraphrasing), but the Puerto Rican Jesus mocked Trump by throwing dozens of paper towel roles to the American crowd, then ending by saying, “Thank you President Trump, please use these paper towels to wipe off your shithole,” while he dabbed the corners of his mouth.  Puerto Rican RefugeeJesus stole the show and won the grand prize of a gold frame (worth nothing) and a hundred dollar check.  (If I heard Sister Roma correctly).

Puerto Rican Jesus Throwing Paper Towel Roles to the American Crowd

There aren’t any better hosts to an event in the park than the charitable and lovely Sisters. They always come brilliantly adorned, full of sass and swagger, keeping things just organized enough without anything feeling restrictive, and the bonus is, children love them so it really is an event of inclusion.  They are a San Francisco treasure, more than once during the day did I hear friends and strangers comment on how amazing the sisters looked and how lucky we were to live in San Francisco.

Disco Jesus was reportedly on acid and kept reappearing on stage before being kicked-off  again and again

The TrashKan Marchink Band (TKMD) was on hand, they are a wonderful combination burlesque, klowns, and music that reminded us of a New Orleans second line.

They marked and danced their way around the meadow to the delight of the crowds.

Puerto Rican Refugee-Jesus is your Hunky Jesus of 2018.  Runner-up was Guncontrol Jesus.

The two finalist. Gun Control Jesus & Puerto Rican RefuJesus.

 

All photo by Alex Mak & friends

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managin' editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. When we're not writing, editing, or publishing articles, Stuart and I are promoting the good things in SF & NYC.

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