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Virgin Diaries: TV’s Awkward Creep-Fest

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It was the promo video heard ‘round the world. Look at that awkward couple getting married. Is he feeding her momma-bird style? Oh wait, their first kiss was at the altar? And they’re going to have sex for the first time later that night??

This is just one of the segments on TLC’s special, “Virgin Diaries,” which aired on December 4. The show chronicles people who have made it to their late 20s/early 30s with their virginity intact. Aside from the very awkward married couple (Shanna and Ryan), the other virgins include three female roommates all around age 30 (one of which is a “reclaimed virgin” having had sex with at least seven different men… sorry sister, you’re not a virgin, you’re experiencing a dry spell) and a 35 year old male from Maryland who claims that the opportunity just never presented itself (perhaps it’s his affinity for cats and making fudge). It’s all so awkward and so creepy… which means I’m pretty much obsessed.

TLC has taken a lot of flak for this show for allegedly mocking virginity. So what if people want to wait until they are married to have sex? Well, if these virgins are representative of “older” virgins, then choosing abstinence is an exercise in delusional thinking and unrealistic expectations. Lisa, 30, explains how she believes she’ll have an orgasm the first time she has sex because it will be with her husband. Oof. Good luck with that. Casey, 35, pictures his first time in the dark (so as not to see any awkward facial expressions) and with music (so as not to hear any awkward noises). Ummm…

As Shanna and Ryan note during their “morning after” interview, sex is not like it is in the movies. Well, duh. Ask anyone you know, no matter the circumstances, “awkward” is always used to describe the first time. Building up expectations for sex is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

So, my dear Virgins, kudos to you for holding out for someone you love, but marriage does not instantly create a satisfying sex life. It’s just like buying a car… you should probably test drive it first to make sure it’s the one you want. In the meantime, TLC, keep the awkward coming. Pun intended.

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Quincey Trigillo - Judicious Journalist

Quincey Trigillo - Judicious Journalist

A recent transplant from Orange County, California, Quincey is in the big city with an Empire State Building-sized craving for culture... and learning that "free" part of freelance. Having been a high school English teacher for the last few years, she sadly knows the penny pinching lifestyle all too well. She's got a freakishly adorable dachshund named Walter Matthau and she really enjoys taking a bite out of this Big Apple everyone keeps talking about. Quincey may look straight outta the 'burbs, but.. well, yeah, she's straight outta the 'burbs.

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