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DIY: Prepping Eggs for Egging on Halloween

Updated: Oct 28, 2012 17:37
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Disclaimer: Egging is illegal and is considered a criminal offense in most areas. If you choose to participate in egging, try not to get caught. However, if you do find yourself running from the cops—RUN!

So you want to vandalize your neighborhood, wreak havoc on unsuspecting victims and destroy public property? Well, you’ve come to right place.

Egging people or property on Halloween has been a longstanding tradition on All Hallows’ Eve since the chicken first decided to cross the road with no explanation. Admit it, at one point in your life you’ve done something to destroy public property, something that gave you a rush, and that form of excitement has remained inside your defiant soul ever since. If you have never gone egging in your 20+ years of existence—or if you happen to be a 10 year-old who just happened to come across this post through Google—I will hand down some advice for the novice egg-thrower yearning to find his/herself in an egg war.

Buying the Eggs

Let’s be honest, you’re not going out there throwing the eggs on your own—you’re going with about five friends. People aren’t stupid. If someone walks into the supermarket and stocks up on 20 cartons of eggs just days before Halloween, they know what you’re planning to do with them. So this how you go about buying eggs on Halloween.

1. Hit Up Different Stores – Stay away from your local neighborhood markets, bodegas or supermarkets if you don’t want to be caught.

2. Start Early – On the first day of October you should, at least, begin laying out plans of where you and your friends are planning to buy your eggs. I recommend buying your eggs before October 17th each year. After that, it begins to look suspicious.

3. Never Buy Eggs All At Once – When loading up on your ammunition, you should purchase them slow and steady. I suggest two cartons of eggs at any one time.

Okay, now that you have your eggs you have plenty of prepping options. You can either take your eggs as they are, let them rot, freeze them, or have them hard-boiled.

Regular Eggs

Prepping: Nothing really goes into prepping regular eggs. All you have to do is just take them out of the carton and carry them around.

Pros: They’re ready to go.

Cons: These types of eggs can easily crack. So you have to be careful where you place them and they need to be handled with care, especially if you’re carrying around half a dozen.

Rotten Eggs

Prepping: Take some eggs and get a sharp needle. Make a small hole in the top of each egg. Next, let the eggs sit in a warm place for about a week. Now you’ve got some rotten eggs that should only smell when you break them.

Or, you can just purchase your eggs early in October and wait until they expire. You’ll know your egg is rotten if you place it in a bowl of water and it floats to top, breaking the surface.

Pros: There really isn’t anything good to say about rotten eggs, except that that the smell may literally kill any opposing egg-throwers you might encounter.

Cons: It’s disgusting, it stinks and it sucks for whoever gets hit with one of these.

Frozen Eggs

Prepping: Just throw them in the freezer. Make sure to place them on a surface where they can be easily removed, in order to prevent the shell from cracking.

Pros: These bad boys are hard as a rock once they’re frozen. They can inflict some real damage on anything it touches. I would advise you NOT to throw these at anyone unless they really deserve it, i.e., Mitt Romney.

Cons: They’re frozen eggs, which means they won’t stay frozen if you aren’t carrying them around in a cooler. Also, the shell is extremely sensitive and can be easily vulnerable to cracking. They can also get you in a lot of trouble if someone gets seriously injured by one of these eggs.

Hard-Boiled Eggs

Prepping: I’ll be using the 10 easy-to-follow steps via

1. Place eggs in single layer in saucepan.

2. Cover with at least one inch of cold water over tops of shells.

3. Cover pot with lid and bring to a boil over medium heat.

4. As soon as the water comes to a full boil, remove from heat and let stand.

5. Large soft-cooked eggs: let stand in hot water 1 to 4 minutes, depending on your tastes.

6. Large hard-cooked eggs: let stand in hot water 15 to 17 minutes.

7. When cooked to desired level, drain off hot water.

8. Immediately cover with cold water and add a few ice cubes.

9. Soft-cooked eggs: let stand in cold water until cool enough to handle. Serve.

10. Hard-cooked eggs: let stand in cold water until completely cooled. Use as needed.

Pros: They won’t crack on you and they’ll make a slushy-type of a mess.

Cons: They have a distinct smell and a weird texture. They won’t crack on you, but they will be smothered all over the place in small areas.

In conclusion, some people feel that egging is a terrible thing to do. They believe that TPing is a safer alternative. I say fuck ‘em. Carry on tradition, boys and girls. Have a happy Halloween!

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Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage

Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage

My father came, my mother saw...and I conquered. I encourage children to do drugs, I buy alcohol for teenagers, and I drink beer with the homeless. In my spare time, I attend art galleries for the FREE booze while rubbing elbows with modish elephants. I also hammer six-inch nails into small penises. Stuart knighted me as Broke-Ass King of New York. You've been warned.