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The Unavoidable Slow Day at Work

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There are conflicting emotions that are entrenched in my heart for those snail-like days at the J-O-B. On one hand, there isn’t any work to do, which usually results in a lackluster effort of staying busy. This is a perfect opportunity to slack off. On the other hand, time moves as if it were trapped in a sea of molasses.

Boredom looms within the vicinity. Your co-workers appear as if they are stranded in a blistering desert, losing hope of finding their way back to civilization, and dying of dehydration. You stare at the clock and wish for a day that time moved this sluggishly while you were having fun.


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I cannot possibly give you any specific advice on what to do. Sorry, too many variables to take into consideration. What type of job do you have? Are your co-workers fun and creative? Can they be trusted? Is your manager an anal douchebag with a superiority complex? Are you required to operate machinery? These things are important.

So what’s a basic alternative? Your phone? Being on your phone all day sucks. Sure, I get a nice chuckle witnessing Tommy Chong enticing Justin Bieber with Get It Legal propaganda via Twitter, but I need a little more excitement. How about we get our Cheech & Chong on during lunch? Not into that? That’s okay.

A slow day at work is not only an opportunity to get paid for doing nothing, it is also the chance to have some fun and it’s a time for experimentation. Screw work and getting a heads up on whatever happens to be on the daily schedule—wreak havoc! (It should be within reason, of course. You don’t want to get fired. Scratch that. You don’t want to get caught.)

1. Create a Game – This is always nice to pass the time. It usually consists of tossing something around or doing a task at work as quickly as possible. If all else fails, break out the deck of Uno cards and have some fun!

2. Discover Buried Treasure – This is normally suited for the more adventurous types. There is always some undiscovered lair at the workplace. A place where no one has ever dared to trespass. And within the walls of treacherous terrain, lay undiscovered treasures. Secrets which may alter space and time as you know it. Or, you just might learn that someone is about to get fired or lying about something.

3. Build a Bird’s Nest – If you didn’t notice, I just completely ran out of ideas here.

Slow days might suck because the day feels like an eternity, but I appreciate them and so should you.

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Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage

Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage

My father came, my mother saw...and I conquered. I encourage children to do drugs, I buy alcohol for teenagers, and I drink beer with the homeless. In my spare time, I attend art galleries for the FREE booze while rubbing elbows with modish elephants. I also hammer six-inch nails into small penises. Stuart knighted me as Broke-Ass King of New York. You've been warned.

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