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How Not to be Racist This Halloween

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Halloween falls on a Friday this year and things are going to get crazy! People get more into planning their costumes when they don’t have to crawl hungover into work the next day or call in sick “cough cough.“ What are you dressing up as? I’m going in a sexy and slutty costume yet to be determined.

Subway has a current commercial that people are getting all butt-hurt about and calling sexist. The girl talks about eating healthy to essentially lose weight to fit into various sexy costumes. Uh, I always try to lose weight every year in October so I can fit into my Slutoween costume on the 31st! It’s not offensive for Subway, who brands itself as a weight loss option, to use this commercial. No one was pissed about them using Jared’s morbidly obese “before” image to drive people to weight loss. Why is looking sexy a taboo goal? Chill out folks. Some women want to look hot on Halloween and eating low fat and tasteless sandwiches is one way to do it.

If you want to be offended about Halloween though, let me fuel your fire. Each year there are hordes of people with unknowingly or knowingly racist costumes. Most are so commonplace that no one even bothers to point out, “Dude…that’s hella racist.”

Wanna be an insensitive prick and a racist, and hide it behind the veil of a Halloweeen costume? Then try one of these:

Not even Johnny Depp can pull it off

1) Pochahontas/Native American: This one irritates the crap of out of me. Basic bitches wore elaborate headdresses as accessories at Coachella. You are NOT Native American nor does this show respect for their race or culture. FYI, Pocahontas was captured by the English at 18 then married John Rolfe at 19, which I can only attribute to Stockholm’s Syndrome. Men can’t pull it off any better even with a Hollywood backed costume budget.

See the bombs? Its okay because its in the news!!!

2) Terrorist/Suicide Bomber: Hey! I’m not making fun of Arabs…just Islam! No, no wait! I mean terrorists! I hate terrorist! Do you know the difference? Don’t hide your ignorance behind a “Go ‘Merica!” chant. This is hella racist.

Una cerveza por favor!

3) Mexican Bandit: Hey, if Chevy’s can do it why can’t I? Yo ese…you want a shot? Most culture based costumes propagate shitty stereotypes. All Mexicans shoot guns, have moustaches and wear sarapes! I hate it mostly because the moron is holding Jose Cuervo, which is an insult to tequila.

I can be black for one day right? Halloween is a loop hole?

4) Black Face: Number one Racist Costume rule. Don’t do black face. It never bodes well and you look like a total dickwad! Don’t dress up as any black actress on Orange is the New Black. If you’re blond go as Piper. Using Brown face makeup instead of black face does not make it acceptable. Especially if it’s a breakfast product that has forever based its logo on a racist stereotype.

Makes no damn sense. At all.

5) Asian cliché: Do I really have to explain why these are terrible? A food carton of Chinese take out is not sexy. When is leftover food ever sexy? Geisha were usually highly educated artists and very well respected. That costume will make you look like a dumb cheap ho. Just saying.

Same race = not racist?

6) Grey Area Costumes: Hot sauce! He’s Siracha and she’s Tapatio! Get it?? Doesn’t quite work the same if you’re not Asian and Latina. Is it still racist if you are the race of your costume? So many white folks dress up as white trash…mullets and jacked up teeth! Its so funny that people have no money, education or taste!

BONUS COSTUME: Do not dress up as dead Ebola patient, Eric Dunn. TOO SOON! TOO SOON! Definitely do not try to be witty and dress up as Walking Dead Eric Dunn either. With boils, nasty bloody sores, and a hospital gown. Its a bad idea that has been the most trending news topic this last couple months. Ok, ya’ll. Just don’t.

Where do you draw the line? Or do you just think its funny and we should stop being so touchy. Let us know in the comments.


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Jay H - Bawdy Broadcaster

Jay H - Bawdy Broadcaster

Bay Area native. Oldest girl in a very large extended Mexican family. Studied Art History at UC Berkeley and of course I became a Nonprofit Marketing Consultant! Never married. No kids. Serial dater and and expert at the 'hang out' version of dating. Moved out of crazy expensive SF to Oakland and LOVING it! Loves sports. All of them. Except golf. Oh, and rhythmic gymnastics.