Arts and CultureSan Francisco

Broke-Ass Bulletin — The Week of October 30th!

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Here is the first installation of the Broke-Ass Bulletin, a post designed to catch you up on some of the stuff you may have missed during the week. Instead of bogging this down with underfunded sleazebags that WERE running for governor and cracks in the Bay Bridge [It’s starting to look like the Liberty Bell!], I kept it fun, short and sweet. Enjoy! If you have any favorite links from the week, leave them in the comments or send them to info@brokeassstuart.com!

we love the shirts guys, very broke-ass of you! VIA SFoodie

we love the shirts guys, very broke-ass of you! VIA SFoodie

In depressing news, Murat, otherwise known as the purveyor of the Amuse Bouche street cart, is reportedly being deported back to France due to his Visa status. His wife, Celebi, is trying her best to direct attention to the case. SFoodie is the only news source to have gotten a confirmation that Murat will be deported — many others are speculating. We love Murat here at BAS.com, and if there is any way you’d like to help, you can reach Celebi at amusebouchesf@gmail.com.


21 Halloween Costumes That Will Not Get You Laid
— Pretty self explanatory. If you have a firefighter fantasy, don’t click ahead. You might actually be tempted to move away and change your name from embarrassment.

Did you know Ike’s has a special menu, including a vegan Paul Rubens? It’s worth ordering, trust me — you won’t feel near as guilty for all that finger lickin’ goodness.

Ever wonder what people pay for internet around the world? This infographic does a great job of illustrating the facts. Now if I could just move to Japan, I would be set…


Mission Burger’s Vegan Burger is now a thing of the past, but they’re offering up the secrets. As reported by Vegansaurus, who penned a love ode to the ill-fated burger, the recipe that is given is for 70 patties. Finally! You can have that NO ONE GIVES A SHIT IF I’M VEGAN party and the eats are taken care of.

We’ll end with my new favorite blog, Dealbreaker. It’s about all those moments when you realize it isn’t working out. Kind of like your condom choice. Case in point:

You’re An American Apparel Model
Okay, so we’ve been dating for a while now and you have yet to put pants on. I’m sorry, but I can’t introduce you to my family while you’re wearing a see through mesh bodysuit. I just don’t think my grandmother would appreciate an up close view of your vagina. Just a hunch I had. Ugh. This is really hard for me to say, but- I’m sorry, can you cover your nipples for ONE second? This is kind of important. I don’t think this is working out, and- no, I don’t know where you can get some more coke, but that’s sort of the prob- it’s really hard for me to have this conversation with you when you’re writhing around on the floor like a sexy jellyfish. Use your bones like people do. Also, you’re always rubbing your eyes and looking bewildered like you just woke up from a nightmare. Have you been sleeping on the floor again? Oh, this is pretty troubling, but you seem to have a habit of yelling 'œDov!' while we’re having sex and then bursting out laughing and THEN crying. You know that’s not my name, right? And how many 'œcorporate retreats' does your company take you on? You’re always leaving for days on end, and you always wake up in dingy basements. Your 'œjob' is starting to sound like you’re just being routinely kidnapped every few days. Well, I guess that’s it. I actually feel a lot better, thanks for finally listening. Babe? Sweetie? You okay? Oh shit. Oh no! Wake up! Does anyone have any cocaine? Perhaps a Polaroid camera? Some sugar free Red Bull, maybe? Get me a flash drive with Girl Talk on it, STAT! A life is hanging in the balance!

Happy Halloween everyone! Remember: Luxor is giving free cab rides in SF tonight. Just be sure to say Berg Injury Lawyers is picking up the tab!

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Monica Miller - The Intern

Monica Miller - The Intern

Ms. Miller was born in San Diego, CA to one lesbian mother and one
righteous, cheap father. Currently, she is enrolled at San Francisco
State University for a B.A. in Journalism and the approximate
completion date is around 2015. She has worked for many papers in the
Bay Area, including the Oakland Tribune and the San Mateo Country
Times and is currently the city editor at one of the most
underappreciated publications in SF, the Golden Gate [X]press. Though
she may find bargains aplenty, it only stems from the necessity of
never landing an actual job and working for hacks [like Stuart.] With
intelligence, style, poise, bite, and honesty, she will rip your heart
out; but not before writing some awesome, poignant shit. This year,
she is looking forward to bigger and better things such as: trying to
get paid for a gig, actually finding a date that isn't a loser or
fucking crazy, not calling her parents when hungover and bringing you
the best of the 7x7 everyday of the week. [By the way, I wasn't
kidding about the date thing; if you love food, booze and shoegaze,
get at me.]

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