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20 Signs You’re NOT a Jaded San Franciscan

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Last week the fine people over at SFist published a piece called “41 Signs You’re  a Jaded San Franciscan“. It was funny,clever, and snarky, like so many things on SFist. But it got me thinking: one of the things that makes this city so amazing is that we’re not jaded. Despite all the fuckery that happens here (and there’s tons), we really do believe in the magic and mythology of San Francisco. You kind of have to suspend your disbelief to live here…for so many reasons. And so in response I’ve put together 20 Signs You’re NOT a Jaded San Franciscan.  I’ve only listed 20 reasons, and there are hundreds more, so please list some of yours in the comments.

1. When Deep rides by blaring music from his Trikeasaurus you smile and say to the stranger walking past you, “I fucking love San Francisco”.

deep-bicycle photo from Streetsblog

2. Like the rest of us, you have no idea what the 12 Galaxies are all about, but whenever you see Frank Chu it’s always a highlight of your day. (side note: every time I see him I say “Give ‘em hell Frank!” You should all do this too. IT should be a thing.)

frank_chuphoto from RentCafe.com

3. At some point during a warm, sunny day in Dolores Park with your friends you say, “There is no place else I’d rather be right now.”

robot-dance-party-dolores-park Photo from SF.Funcheap

4. You look forward to giving Hopper’s Hands high-five or high-ten when jogging near the Golden Gate Bridge.

hopper's-handsPhoto from LoveLetterToSF 

5. You actually get to jog near THE Golden Gate Bridge, one of the most famous landmarks in the world.

running-golden-gate-bridgephoto from Discovery 

6. The phrase “Only in San Francisco” can legitimize or delegitimize pretty much anything you come across on a given day.

Only in San Francisco from Andy Miller on Vimeo.

7. You’ve thought something along the lines of “I don’t want a relationship that gets in the way of my relationship with San Francisco”

breaking-up photo from Scoutmob.

8. Since so many of the people you love (friends, neighbors, coworkers) can’t legally marry the person they love, you’ve taken Marriage Equality on as a personal cause, regardless your gender preference.

> on March 25, 2013 in San Francisco, California.photo from CNN 

9. Even if you don’t give a fuck about baseball, you love the fact that the Giants are made up of a bunch of freaks and weirdos, just like our city.

brian-wilson-the-machinephoto from Comeback complete

10. You’re really hoping they actually rename SFO in honor of Harvey Milk. Who better to symbolize San Francisco’s values to those who are visiting our city?

SFO-Harvery-Milk photo from SF Gate

10. You’re really hoping they actually rename The Bay Bridge in honor of Emperor Norton. Who better to symbolize San Francisco’s values to those who are visiting our city?

emperor-norton-bridgephoto from Emperor Norton Bay Bridge 

11. “Who’s got it better than us?” is actually a question you’ve given some thought to. You still haven’t come up with an answer.

whos-got-it-better-than-usphoto from I So Love SF

 12. You revel in the fact that The City’s fog is named Karl and that he is a prolific tweeter and instagramer.

Karl-the-Fogphoto from Lost at E Minor 

13. While you won’t give money to homeless people, you will give them your leftovers if you don’t finish your meal when you’re out to eat.

replate-food-on-trash-canphoto from NeatoRama

14. It’s almost impossible to walk between two points without running into someone you know and giving them a hug.

san-francisco-hugphoto from SF Gate

15. You think The Bay Lights are cool as shit.

The Bay Lights and a Touch of Redphoto from AnywhereSF

16. You think the new Exploratorium is cool as shit.

the-exploratoriumphoto from CNN

17. You think stepping in human shit is not cool as shit. Ok, you’re pretty jaded about that one.

human-poopphoto from See Click Fix

18. The Giants have a Grateful Dead night. Even if you don’t like the Dead, that’s still pretty fucking cool. I mean, that’s the SF Giants basically celebrating LSD.

sf-giants-grateful-deadphoto from mlb.com

 19. You can smoke weed everywhere.

20. You rejoice in the fact that the only time you have to drive a car is when you leave San Francisco

driving-out-of-sfphoto from Hanna Winery 

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website BrokeAssStuart.com is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, Geek.com and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle, "an SF cult hero":SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.

40 Comments

  1. May 13, 2013 at 3:51 pm — Reply

    Love.

  2. May 13, 2013 at 4:33 pm — Reply

    You sir, as usual, rock 🙂 Thanks so much!

  3. Justine
    May 13, 2013 at 4:41 pm — Reply

    I still love the view when coming in on the Bay Bridge- – morning, noon and night.

  4. May 13, 2013 at 4:41 pm — Reply

    To add two things:

    1. When you see the new Exploratorium and say “look at all the benches/public space!”

    2. When the region’s major newspaper suggests that your favorite underground singer (Mike Patton) sing the National Anthem at a Giants’ WS game.

  5. May 13, 2013 at 4:47 pm — Reply

    Ditto what Keane said. Best post ever <3

  6. Genevieve
    May 13, 2013 at 4:53 pm — Reply

    Thank you. I love my city and always will.

  7. redbearded
    May 13, 2013 at 5:02 pm — Reply

    Well almost.
    When I see that guy riding his tricycle with the music playing way too loud, I usually say to the person next to me, “I really wish he would at least play better music.”

  8. keenaphine
    May 13, 2013 at 5:44 pm — Reply

    That’s 21 signs – there are two “10s”

  9. Lee H.
    May 13, 2013 at 5:48 pm — Reply

    You actually get to ride your bike across THE Golden Gate Bridge, one of the most famous landmarks in the world.

  10. May 13, 2013 at 6:02 pm — Reply

    OMG #6.

    • Kelly
      May 16, 2013 at 7:19 pm — Reply

      Right? It’s my favorite (so far).

  11. May 13, 2013 at 6:41 pm — Reply

    21) you’ve held an umbrella twice in two years and don’t have a car

  12. May 13, 2013 at 6:42 pm — Reply

    You can have the crappiest day at work, but look out the window at the Marin Headlands when the sun is setting (and Karl’s nowhere to be found) and be at a loss for words because it’s so friggin’ gorgeous. 🙂

  13. May 13, 2013 at 6:57 pm — Reply

    And a group called the Presidential Memorial Commission got an initiative on the ballot to rename the city sewage plant after George Bush and 100,000 people voted YES.

    • Abby
      May 14, 2013 at 9:58 pm — Reply

      Yes. This.

  14. Eleanor
    May 13, 2013 at 7:19 pm — Reply

    When you’re in the castro and cars are blaring Madonna or Britney Spears instead of rap music.

  15. May 13, 2013 at 7:20 pm — Reply

    I’m an old guy, whose seen many changes in my beloved SF, but you sir are carrying on digitally, with character and panache, in the witty vein of Warren Hinckle, and even the eccentric Emperor Norton. Well done!

  16. no one in particular
    May 13, 2013 at 7:43 pm — Reply

    “Even if you don’t give a fuck about baseball, you love the fact that the Giants are made up of a bunch of freaks and weirdos, just like our city.”

    Sadly Brian Wilson (who you pictured) doesn’t play for the Giants anymore and Timmy Lincecum cut his hair 🙁 I did, in fact, love that about the Giants, but it’s not the same anymore.

  17. David
    May 13, 2013 at 7:58 pm — Reply

    Two words: hunky. jesus.

  18. never nude myself but
    May 13, 2013 at 9:39 pm — Reply

    You can’t believe that San Francisco banned public nudity (or that the ban was proposed by Supervisor Wiener, oh the irony!) but you’re grateful for the list of “sanctioned events.” Because after there’s no better anniversary date for moving to SF than Folsom Street Fair.

  19. Selinda
    May 13, 2013 at 9:50 pm — Reply

    I live in a picture postcard – from the back porch (aka fire escape) of my rent-controlled apartment (13 years, thankyouverymuch) I can see downtown on my right, Bernal Heights on my left and the whole Mission valley spread out to Twin Peaks. I LOVE to watch the fog roll over the Peaks and down… But I had no idea that the fog’s name was Karl! Where did that come from?

    • May 14, 2013 at 9:00 am — Reply

      It came from my parents. They were looking for a tender, but commanding name. Something that was a combination of “don’t mess with me” and “I’m going to wrap you in my love.”

      • Abby
        May 14, 2013 at 9:59 pm — Reply

        I love you, Karl. Never change.

  20. May 14, 2013 at 6:10 am — Reply

    Well done…and you are right. There are thousands more reasons each day, in every neighborhood of my City, to step back and pause in awe and wonder at being alive, to bear witness to the beauty of The City and the glorious few who bring back the vitality and intrigue of Baghdad by the Bay. As Michael Franti says, “…All the Freaky People are the beauty of the world…” and that world is alive and well in San Francisco – so says Papa T.

    Love,
    Peace(ful strides, rides and Glides through the most beautiful city in the world),
    T

  21. Alan
    May 14, 2013 at 7:21 am — Reply

    I love being able to see places here that my folks and family friends have enjoyed: where they’ve lived, worked, went to school, got married, celebrated occasions, attended events, played sports, ran errands, made leisurely memories, gave birth, made lifelong friends from all over the world…love, indeed. Was born here and raised in Berkeley; been back in S.F. since 1982. First folks arrived during the Gold Rush. Thanks for helping transcend marginality and excessive bourgeoisiness in this magical crossroads of the world, Broke-Ass Stuart.

  22. Jamal Frederick - Second Hand Scribe
    May 14, 2013 at 10:00 am — Reply

    Thank you sir!!! It was great reading this. As someone who can’t live in my beautiful home city at the present time, this makes me very happy. I love San Francisco. This made me happy because it was free feeling, sincere appreciation and not just a hipsters take on the superficial things. I’m fighting to make this short, so I’ll just say thank you.

  23. Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap
    May 14, 2013 at 10:08 am — Reply

    Awesome! I’m so glad that you all enjoyed this piece so much!

  24. Goat
    May 14, 2013 at 5:59 pm — Reply

    Funny stuff, though I disagree with not needing a car in SF. That is more of a statement reserved for NYC. SFers still have cars, even if they use them less frequently. That’s the difference between a city with robust public transportation and another that has two lines that run some of the day, and don’t go everywhere you need them to.

  25. SFviaCleveland
    May 14, 2013 at 6:07 pm — Reply

    My dog and I have lived in many places in the United States and I can say w/out reservation that SF is the most dog friendly city on the planet. I’ve been to just about every park in this amazing city and had a great experience at all of them. Where else can my dog dig holes, run on the beach, climb rocks, walk on the street w/ no leash, and get love from all walks of life like she does here? Easy answer… Nowhere. I’ve never seen my dog more happy and our relationship has grown exponentially since moving here. We exercise more and go to one of the amazing parks in this city at least 4x a week. Dog friendly capital of the U.S. added to the coolest city in the U.S. equals a place I will never leave!!!

  26. Kim
    May 15, 2013 at 11:09 am — Reply

    Sunday Salsa at El Rio: Gay, straight, young to old, black, white, latino, asian, kick ass music! A real San Francisco backyard party!!!

  27. Chelsee
    May 15, 2013 at 3:05 pm — Reply

    Ha. At least you admit your a douchebag. If you were in denial that could be scary

  28. May 15, 2013 at 8:15 pm — Reply

    Makes my heart ache. I miss you San Francisco! *stuck in SAC*

  29. Cat
    May 16, 2013 at 12:19 am — Reply

    I walk 3 miles to and from work (because the walk takes less time than waiting for Muni ), and the view of the city when I reach the top of Potrero Hill always brings a smile to my face, whether Karl the Fog is in it or not.

  30. May 19, 2013 at 7:14 pm — Reply

    On any given Sunday (granted Karl isn’t obstructing the view) I seriously dig admiring Davidson & Diablo from my back yard. NOT jaded 😉

  31. Glenn Miller
    May 20, 2013 at 10:28 am — Reply

    When I was a kid living at Travis AFB, 1969-71, we would drive down every Sunday for Mass and brunch. I always stood on the back seat as we came down the hill to the Bridge because the scene was so breath taking. It still get goose bumps just thinking about it.

  32. Gabrielle
    June 23, 2013 at 12:51 pm — Reply

    great piece but…sexual preference?

  33. June 26, 2013 at 12:48 am — Reply

    Mr. Stuart,

    This is already a classic, you got it just right. Maybe a winter sequel?

    ‘Deep,

    You are everyone’s friend, an icon and example of the city we love.

    Sincerely,

    Jonah

  34. Ken Hopper
    October 11, 2013 at 11:02 pm — Reply

    Ha ! HoppersHands likes this …. Even Karl (Sandburg) The Fog …. kinda ….. after almost 30 years on da Bridge, I have seen more than my share of FOG ……

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