Sex and Dating

Happn Let’s You Connect with That Mysterious Hottie From Dolores Park

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This post is sponsored by the fine people at Happn. Wanna sponsor a post? Email me at info@BrokeAssStuart.com

hot-people-dolores-park

Happn is a pretty amazing new dating app and here is why:

We’ve all been there. It’s a beautiful sunny day in Dolores Park and you’re already a bottle deep into cheap wine day drinking. Oh damn I gotta pee, you tell your friend as you get up to head towards the wretched bathrooms. You’re dodging doggies underfoot and Frisbees flying high and trying not to stumble over somebody’s picnic when BOOM! you make eye contact with the sexiest goddamn creature in the world. They are even your perfect type, every little detail of them makes your special parts tingle. Good lord! you say out loud to nobody in particular, and then curse your bladder knowing that if you don’t get to that bathroom you will piss yourself right there in front of everyone, and it is too damn early into the day drinking to be doing that. You think, as soon as I’m done peeing I will find that perfect specimen of humanity and when we talk, baby fucking love birds will explode from the sky and trumpets will blare to celebrate our meetingAnd then you run off to the bathroom.

[wd_hustle id="5" type="embedded"/]

Walking back, bladder relieved, your perfect person is nowhere to be found and you spend the rest of the day telling your friends about that moment that slipped away.

Luckily, now that Happn exists, this horrifyingly sad scenario will never occur again. That’s because Happn is a new dating app that uses geolocation in real time to connect people as soon as their paths cross. Here’s how it works:

Every time you cross paths with someone who has Happn and who meets your criteria, Happn takes note of it. All you gotta do then is open the app. It keeps track of how many times you come across each other and even lets you know where and when it happened. Been wanting to talk to that hot redhead that always rides the same Muni line as you? Happn lets you! If you click that you “like” them, and they click that they “like” you, Happn connects the two of you and you can start sending amorous love notes the like the Pablo Neruda himself would be jealous of.

happn

And don’t worry about safety and privacy, Happn only lets you know that a person is within 250 meters (820 feet) of you, so you don’t have to worry about Creepy-Face Johnson getting all Creepy-Face Johnson about things.

So go out there an explore! The world is a wondrous place, especially now that you can smile at a sexy stranger and not have to worry about never seeing them again. Happn has got your back.

Download it now so that you never miss your chance again!

 

image from girlfriendpedia.

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website BrokeAssStuart.com is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, Geek.com and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.

3 Comments

  1. Gene Keenan
    February 25, 2015 at 8:25 pm — Reply

    Don’t write comments critical of sponsors on Broke-ass-stuart because they will be deleted. If this is really the game you want to play then disable comments. This is my real name by the way not someone hiding behind a fake name. Look me up.

    • Bay City News
      Broke-Ass Stuart
      February 25, 2015 at 10:31 pm — Reply

      Dude, Gene. I wish you would pay attention to the details before you start talking shit. Your comment is still up, but you left it on the other site. See:

      http://brokeassstuart.com/blog/2015/02/25/happn-lets-you-connect-with-that-mysterious-hottie-from-dolores-park/

      There are 3 sites. The main site, the SF site, and the NYC site. You left your previous comment on the main site and now you’re commenting on the SF site. That’s why you didn’t see your comment.

      • Gene Keenan
        February 26, 2015 at 8:38 am — Reply

        sorry. please delete this then.

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