Eighteen Tunes to Screw To
I used to have an iTunes playlist called Music To Fuck To, a curated aural orgy of thumping bass and wah-wah guitar glory. All the obvious songs were there—”Whole Lotta Love,” “Come Together,” “Lebanese Blonde.”
Honorable mention goes to the music of Bill Withers. He’s not on the list because his lyrics are a bit menacing—pretty much every song he wrote conveys the same message: “Bitch, I know you’re cheating on me, and I am disgusted with you.” Words aside, his music is sexy as fuck. Check out “Who Is He (And What Is He To You).”
Eighteen Songs to Screw To:
Over Our Heads by Zero 7
What’s better than a song that sounds like a cross between Pink Floyd and Air? I like to listen to this with fat headphones because the sultry vocal harmony is panned beautifully between two ears. That might be awkward in bed with a partner, though, so just play it on a stereo really loud. The bass is gigantic.
Mambo Sun by T-Rex
The less popular but more sex-appropriate pioneers of glam rock alongside David Bowie. Lava lamp-shag carpet-big hair-sexy scream-fuzz guitar-ooh-aah-party, compressed into 3:41 of ear massage.
A Go Go by John Scofield
John Scofield looks like an accountant. On better days, maybe he looks like a disheveled math professor. The sounds he creates are a different story, however. I once saw him live and nearly shit my pants when he plugged a wah wah pedal into a backwards pedal and made the most satanic noises I’d ever heard come from a musical instrument. This track is slow, dark and perfectly moody—and filled with his signature nerve-twisting guitar weirdness.
FunkShun by Albert King
Albert King’s voice is a stunner—soaring, barking, hooting and crooning all at once. In any case, he doesn’t sing on this song because it’s an instrumental. Smokey piano, simmering horns, snaky bass and biting guitar all make this tune groove like it’s escaping the steamy window of a Memphis juke joint.
Stretched Home by The Album Leaf
An ambient instrumental with a soaring chorus that may remind you of the music from The Legend of Zelda. That might not sound sexy, but it can work as a soundtrack to intercourse that’s particularly triumphant. Like the battle of Waterloo.
The Robots by Kraftwerk
These guys were making electronic music decades ahead of their time, and this song is their quintessential ode. It is deep and minimal, and sounds no less relevant today than it did in the 1970s. A must-download if you especially appreciate the sound of robots talking to you while you’re naked.
Come On and Love Me by Lenny Kravitz
Lenny Kravitz and Creed had at least one thing in common—they both reached high levels of popularity with shitty music that eclipsed their earlier work that was actually good. On the correct side of that arc, this song comes from Lenny’s album “Are You Gonna Go My Way” where he channels the spirit of Jimi Hendrix quite effectively. It’s filthy and sensual, drenched in reverb and garage-echo drumming.
Blues Man by Stephen Stills
You know that song “Our House” by Crosby Stills Nash and Young, about a very very very fine house with two cats in the yard? Graham Nash wrote that. Stephen Stills was the grit in that band, the source of much delicious tension and famous for doing things like soaking his guitar strings in barbecue sauce to make them sound more fucked up. He played the filthy intro to their song “Woodstock.” On Blues Man, it’s just Stephen solo with an acoustic guitar. His vocals are like a bar fight compressed into a set of whispers, and the incessant twang of his finger picking sounds like his guitar is six inches from your ear. This song smokes.
Tribute To Muddy by Johnny Winter
Johnny Winter was blind, and an albino, and the brother of Edgar Winter of “Free Ride” fame. This is the one song that inspired this entire list — bass that pounds like thrusting hips, guitar bits that sound like a pubescent boner, and Johnny growling and wailing like someone possessed. “Tribute to Muddy” is a bit heavy in its delivery, less a soundtrack for a candle-lit caress, more of something to blare if you are (1) a cowboy fucking a cheerleader in a barn, (2) a cheerleader fucking a cowboy in a barn, (3) two cowboys taking turns fucking each other in a barn, or (3) two cheerleaders scissoring in a barn. Don’t forget the sub woofer.