Current Roster

Salesforce Tower Reveals New Partnership with Mordor

Sign Up for the Dopest Events Newsletter in the Bay Area

In a landmark deal between Salesforce executives and The Dark Lord Sauron, Mordor will now begin using Salesforce products to modernize its staff recruiting process, manage border security, and engage with its orcs, goblins and cave trolls.  Lord Sauron said of the deal, “Mordor will now be stronger than ever, we saw how Salesforce helped ICE and the US Customs and Border Protection agencies (CBP) deal with separating all those nasty children and their parents at the US border, and we thought, ‘this is a company that can help us reach our recruiting goals'”.

Rumors were flying all month about a possible deal between the two towers (Salesforce & Mordor).  Some people were claiming that Sauron had secretly reforged the ring of power and was planning on introducing it at Dreamforce2018, but instead Sauron sent out a press release on Halloween describing Mordor’s new Partnership with the Salesforce Tower,  “Salesforce shares our principles of seeking total domination over the world men, so we struck a historic partnership, Salesforce will rule the cloud and something called ‘the East Cut’, while Mordor will conquer and have dominion over all Middle Earth, and apparently everything north of Market St. but not west of Park Presidio.”

The hearts of men are easily corrupted, we at are not without some blame, as we, like many others, were deceived by the Dark Lord, and we shared his petition to ‘Turn Salesforce Tower into Eye Of Sauron on Halloween night’.  Over 11,000 people signed the petition, and all of us, were deceived.  Little did we know that in secret, Sauron was forging a longterm deal with Salesforce to end the race of men and bring on the age of the orc.

But all hope is not lost, a Coalition of Tech Workers and progressive citizens resist, and will continue the fight against the Two Towers, and any corporation who seeks to join them.  #TECHWONTBUILDIT

Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

Love in the Time of Housing Crisis

Next post

SF Celebrates Dodger Loss with Free Tacos

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managing editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. I enjoy covering Bay Area News as well as writing about Arts, Culture & Nightlife.

If you're a writer, artist, or performer who would like to get your work out there, or if you've got great things to promote, we've got 120k social followers and really fun ways to reach them. We make noise for our partners, and for our community.
alex at

No Comment

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published.