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Trump to Destroy Turkish Economy by Opening Trump Casinos All Over Turkey

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A week after President Donald Trump warned that he would “swiftly destroy” Turkey’s economy if it continued to attack US-allied Kurds in northeastern Syria, the President has doubled down on his threats.  “If the Turks do not stop their aggression into Syria, I will build Trump Casinos all over Turkey and completely destroy their economy!”  Trump said at a rally in Orlando Florida, he then countinued in after roars of applause from supporters, “If they think my Casino in New Jersey was bad, wait till they get a load of Trump Plaza Istanbul!!”

Trump’s Taj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City New Jersey famously went bankrupt in 1991, it marked the first of 4 of Trump’s corporate bankruptcies from 1991, 1992, 2004 and 2009.

“I gave the President of Turkey every chance not to invade Syria, but he did anyway, I even wrote him a nicely worded and totally rational letter, but he he went ahead with his plan anyway.  So now, I’m going to destroy the Turkish economy, just like I destroyed New Jersey in the 1990’s, with Trump-branded hotels, Casinos, and maybe even Trump Universities and Angus beef prime steaks!”

Democratic leaders Pelosi and Schumer were surprisingly in favor of the plan, and insisted on a single caveat, that Trump’s two sons would run the properties in Turkey.  Schumer told the press, “If this plan is going to work, then Trump’s kids have to  live in Turkey and be in charge of everything, that way there’s no chance the casinos will succeed.”

Nancy Pelosi said, “If this gets rid of Don Jr. for a year then it’s worth breaking the emoluments clause.” She said.

Trump told Fox News following the agreement, “I know what your thinking, ‘what if your casinos actually succeed?’  And to that, I say ‘don’t worry’, my sons Eric and Don Jr. will be put in charge of all Trump Turkey businesses!”  He added, “It’s a win-win, if my sons fail, then turkey’s economy implodes, and if by some miracle they succeed I’ll be super rich again, problem solved!”

President Donald Trump’s two adult sons, Eric (left) and Don Jr.

 

This is technically satire, but we actually think this plan would work.  We think the entire Trump family should move to Turkey and get back in the Casino business.

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managin' editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. When we're not writing, editing, or publishing articles, Stuart and I are promoting the good things in SF & NYC.

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