SF’s Tuesday Siren Will Just Play Fart Noises Now

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The San Francisco Tuesday noon warning siren has been in use since World War II, when the west coast was nervous about an attack from the Imperial Japanese navy and airforce.  San Francisco Bay was a major hub for the US Navy’s Pacific fleet, districts like Treasure Island and Hunters Point were massively built up to manufacture warships and deploy sailors, so San Francisco was a target, and an air rade warning siren was needed.

But now we are no longer at war with Japan, and although an earthquake and/or tsunami are certainly bound to hit San Francisco eventually, people are tired of the sirens playing ‘warnings’ and think they should play something more indicative of modern-day San Francisco.

So now, the collection of 119 citywide sirens will just play fart noises.  Specifically recorded by the fine engineers who look after the sirens, and eat from various taco trucks throughout the city.  Brokeassstuart.com has acquired an exclusive, rough cut of the city’s new Tuesday recording:

Mayor Breed stood next to ‘Bob the Engineer’ on Wednesday and told a crowd of flatulent supporters that this new public service announcement would remind San Franciscans every Tuesday to watch out where they step on the sidewalks, because as she put it, “people are defecating all over the place in this city and there’s nothing I can do about it”.  San Francisco’s poop problem now has its own warning system, Engineer Bob finished the news conference by announcing that, “I put a lot of myself into this project, I call it the ‘San Francisco Air-poop Announcement’, and…you’re welcome.”

Engineer Bob is proud of his new system

* This may be the dumbest headline we have ever written here at BAS, but it made us giggle, a lot.   The real story of the sf siren system can be found here, and although this story may be satire, SF’s poop problem is not.


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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managing editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. I enjoy covering Bay Area News as well as writing about Arts, Culture & Nightlife.

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alex at brokeassstuart.com

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