Carrie Laven - Pretty Penniless

22 Aug 2012

Living the Hillbilly Life and Loving It

Last weekend, my friend Heather and I spent four days as pretend hillbillies.  We’ve always wanted to go to the Deep South– land of deliciously heavy foods, porch drinking, adorable floppy-lipped hound dogs, and people with two first names and cousins for lovers (let’s forget the racism and gross ignorance

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15 Aug 2012

Making Sense of the Perplexing World of Bro Fashion

Recently, I attended a surprise birthday party for my friend Kaitlin, and had a great time. Birthday Girl Kaitlin: stylish and sassy, as per usual. My friends: major babes, as per usual. The party location at the Standard Biergarten: teeming with hella bros. Yes, this is to be expected at

Carrie Laven - Pretty Penniless 0
01 Aug 2012

How to Karaoke Like a Pro Amateur Singer

First things first: I have never been a “wild child.”  During my teen years, I was a dedicated captain of my high school’s Quiz Bowl team– our post-match parties consisted of watching Team Member L do the “human pretzel” behind a dumpster in the Denny’s parking lot, and Team Member

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25 Jul 2012

Embarrassing Things That Psychics Have Told Me

When you’re trying to figure your life out and workin’ hard and struggling to Rise to the Top and all of that good stuff, things can get a little… desperate.  So desperate, in fact, that you might feel the need to seek out some spiritual guidance.  No, no, no.  I

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18 Jul 2012

Broke-Ass Style: The Secret to Happiness is in Your Pants

These are my resort-themed Mom capris: They’re covered in colorful hibiscus-print, and have the names of exotic locales like “Martinique” and “St. Lucia” stamped all over them, in a font that can only can be described as “Tiki-esque.”  They’re high-waisted and saggy-legged and cut at the most unflattering part of

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11 Jul 2012

In Search of a Sugar Daddy

Listen, I’m a simple girl with simple needs.  As long as I can scour my local Salvation Army for ill-fitting ethnic print dresses and eat a burrito at least once a week, I am pretty much satisfied.  But lately, times have gotten tough.  This girl is horribly underemployed, and my–

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04 Jul 2012

Broke-Ass Style: Become a Cult Leader

Recently, I plopped down onto my couch to watch the Martin Scorcese documentary about vintage babe George Harrison, titled George Harrison: Living in the Material World.  I noticed two things, the first of which being that my dad looks scarily like Eric Clapton:              

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