Broke-Ass Porn

13 Feb 2013

Cheap Dates: Eat Your Heart Out

I hate Valentine’s Day. Sure, I’m a hopeless romantic who usually spends every February 14th alone doing Jell-O shots in my chaise while eating bacon-fried bacon and masturbating to re-runs of Breaking Bad, but I retain the comfort of knowing Internet Girlfriend will never leave nor punch me in the face. The real reason

Eric Barry - Starving Fartist 0
06 Feb 2013

Cheap Dates: Case of Mistaken Identity

People frequently mistake me for being gay. Certainly much more than they mistake me for being a comedian. But despite the fact that I studied theater in college while working at the Gap, living in the co-ops and sucking dick on the side for money, I am neither gay nor bisexual.

Eric Barry - Starving Fartist 0
30 Jan 2013

Cheap Dates: Super Size Me

I’m not the first and certainly won’t be the last person to write about the importance of male penis size, but hey, dick talk be making it rain hella page views up in this server. Plus, in the wake of the recent size scandal at Subway, it seemed as good a

Eric Barry - Starving Fartist 0
01 Aug 2012

Skateboards, Pornstars, and Fatherhood (Chris Nieratko’s Life is Better Than Yours)

This was Chris and Chris’s Christmas Card one year I’ve known Chris Nieratko for like five years now. I first met him when my friend Sarah was working over at VICE in Brooklyn, and had to arrange his west coast book-signing tour for his then newly-released smut novel, SKINEMA (then a book,

Chloe Newsom - Dive Bar Desperado 0
23 Jan 2012

Regal Battery Park- The Best Movie Theater to Give Head In

One time I went down on a guy during a matinee of ‘The Queen’ at the Angelika. Fittingly enough, he came out to me a year after. We went out only a few times before he left for a tour of Asia in 2006; we  had a coffee the following

Nadine Friedman - Vice President of Snark 0
17 Nov 2011

Vibrate to Moombahtom this Friday!

This Friday night, November 18th, at SF Public Works– get ready to blush. Well, at least the first time I saw this crazy kind of dancing going on, I think I turned bright red. Think of girls with big booties shaking their thing – like in that Mr. Ghetto Wallmart video that was so

Heidi Smith - The Ultimate Scavenger 0
18 Apr 2010

This Just In: Carne Asada Fries Found in San Francisco!

When I first moved to San Francisco a few years ago, I only cared about two things:  seeing the Golden Gate Bridge and finding a place that served carne asada fries.  Only the first thing happened.  This was a problem because carne asada fries are like crack in that once

Christy Jovanelly - Cheapskate Commentator 12