So there’s this thing called soccer, right? And the rest of the world calls it football or futball or whatever, and is batshit crazy in love with it. And as Americans we’re all, “Yeah soccer is cool. I played it as a kid until I discovered pot when I was 14, and now

I know what you’re thinking: That movie with Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore looked really bad! But don’t take that out on our San Francisco Bay City Bombers (did you know they’re the defending world champions?) because just looking at their website gets me fired up for a good round