Me: I think I’m actually going to post about being romantic. She: Now that’s something I’d like to read… People love to fit things, especially other people, into boxes. It makes sense. We understand the world through contrast and binary. If something’s not good, it’s: ______. If something’s not hot,

We all know that anything that comes out of a woman (other than relentless orgasms) is completely unnatural and disgusting. If that wasn’t the case, then jokes about it would seem hackneyed and unoriginal. But women must really like bleeding out their vag, otherwise why would they spend 11.4% of their

Step into a world of adventure with the San Francisco Beer Passport. There’s no better way to explore San Francisco than to literally drink it in. This passport is amazing! Each one contains 27 coupons to buy one beer, get a second beer FREE at 27 of the finest locally

Generally before I make any decisions in life, I ask myself one important question: What Would Ryan Lochte Do? I’ve always wanted to be a world class idiot (and swimmer) with his own reality show, and everyone knows Lochte is so fast because he shaves his whole body. After all,

When I tell people who I used to be, they don’t believe me. And not just because I used to be black. It’s because I was withdrawn, lacking in all things self-esteem, clad in Matrix gear (complete with trenchcoat), and emphatically Christian. People who knew me then hardly recognize me

For those of you who don’t know what pegging is, it’s a neologism created by all-around-awesome-guy Dan Savage, that basically involves a broom handle, some duct tape, and a man and woman who want to spice things up in the bedroom, but couldn’t spring for the furry costumes. If you’ve never pegged or been

  All debate over whether or not there was any merit in writing this article ended for me when I still laughed-out-loud after the tenth time of running the premise through my head. Let’s face it: everybody poops. Some people even do it soft-serve-style into cups (NSFW, but oh so tempting to

If I hear a woman talk about chivalry being dead one more time, I’m going to take her to dinner and not pay for it. Then I’m going to make a pee-puddle and put her cardigan over it so I don’t get my heels wet. OKCupid has provided me with

I hate Valentine’s Day. Sure, I’m a hopeless romantic who usually spends every February 14th alone doing Jell-O shots in my chaise while eating bacon-fried bacon and masturbating to re-runs of Breaking Bad, but I retain the comfort of knowing Internet Girlfriend will never leave nor punch me in the face. The real reason