I did not fall in love with San Francisco instantly. It never asked me to. It did not make me feel like my presence necessitated justification. 

Welcome back Broke-Asses!  Hang onto your hookahs, this week’s column will seem TL;DR, but these 1,500 words are critically important to your future well being (and, ability to afford a private nurse to change your poopy Depends™ far in the future).  That’s right!  We’re segueing from talking about faking boyfriends