satire

19 Jan 2020

12 Sh*tty Behaviors to Conveniently Excuse With Astrology

by Laurie Riihimaki There’s no denying that we can all be shitty humans once in a while. Sometimes we lie about why we can’t make it to work.  Sometimes we cheat on our lovers with a hottie at a bar. Sometimes we steal a lipstick from a friend because NARS

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10 Jan 2020

New Store Opens in Oakland Completely Lambasting Consumerism

A very popular new store opened in Oakland this week, but the goods stocked on the shelves are not quite what you’d expect. Val-U-Mart is a new interactive art installation at Pro Arts Gallery offering a playful exploration of money, values, and consumerism. Seventy-five Bay Area artists came together to make

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18 Feb 2020

The Delicious Card: Rad Deals at 30+ SF Restaurants

I am extremely excited to announce the release of The Delicious Card! Delicious cardholders get awesome deals at over 30 of your favorite SF eateries! Membership is a great way to explore new places, support local businesses, and support local journalism.

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20 Dec 2019

Jesus Opens Up About his Struggles with Mental Illness After Supporting Trump

After millennia in the public eye, Son of God and Savior of Mankind Jesus Christ has begun to speak candidly about his struggles with managing addiction and Bipolar Disorder. “I’ve avoided this long enough,” the member of the Holy Trinity stated while levitating in a beam of golden light. “I

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02 Dec 2019

The Best Waterproof Mascaras for Constantly Crying Seasonal Depressives

by Laurie Riihimaki ‘Tis the season for holiday cheer, or should I say tears? For some, this time of year can be heavy with seasonal depression brought on by toxic family get-togethers, dreaded semester finals, literally darker days, and holiday weight brought on by grandma’s famous pecan pie and mac

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25 Nov 2019

Customs Officials Confiscating All Trump Piñatas So Trump Can “Keep Them For Himself”

If you’ve noticed a lack of Donald Trump piñatas on Mission Street lately, there’s a reason for it: the Acting Commissioner of U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) has directed all his agents to confiscate them at the border. In an interview with BAS, Acting Commissioner Mark A. Morgan said, “The order

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20 Nov 2019

Guy You Met One Time Three Years Ago Invites You To Weird Facebook Event

by Ben Mangelsdorf Facebook user Keith Lightbringer, real name Keith Edwards, sent shockwaves through your Facebook feed Saturday evening by sending you an invite to an event called “AntAlien Presents: Cathedralasis / EGGTEEN.”  Lightbringer, who you think you met at a 70s-themed party that a Tinder date brought you to

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13 Nov 2019

Explosive Leaked Emails Reveal Stephen Miller is Bald

While it has already been reported that in the run-up to the 2016 election, leaked emails indicate that Stephen Miller promoted white nationalist literature, boosted racist immigration stories, and obsessed over the loss of confederate symbols – further investigation has revealed an ACTUALLY surprising detail about the White House Senior

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29 Oct 2019

5 Cartoon Villains that Would Be Less Frightening Presidents than Trump

by Ben Mangelsdorf  Look, these are strange times. Your grandma just requested to follow you on Instagram, the social media platform where you post videos of your friends vomiting and share videos of people with domesticated squirrels as pets. You’re trying to figure out how to schedule your own dentist

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