How To Survive Riot Fest (Trust Us, You’ll Want To)

Bonnaroo may be in tents but Riot Fest is INTENSE! Pitchfork doesn’t even have pitchforks but Riot Fest is a RIOT! For a long walk in a nice park head to Lollapalooza. For a short walk into a mosh pit stumble into Riot Fest.  We were offered the most excellent opportunity to get an in-your-face view of one of the most unique music festivals (Riot Fest is independent and a non-profit) featuring three days of punk, rock, alternative, metal, and hip-hop legends and up-and-comers. Add carnival rides, amazing food vendors, all types of booze, sideshow performers, and so much more it’s hard to survive your first, or even fifth, time. Don’t fret, we did (almost) EVERYTHING so you can make it out of Riot Fest alive next year. Follow most, or even some of these tips, and you’ll have one hell of a time… in a good way, we swear.

Secure a safe ride to Riot Fest, because if you can’t get there, uhh you won’t be there…

Find a swanky place to stay.

Take naps, or pass outs, either way, you’ll need some rest here and there.

Everything this guy’s sign says! (Seriously with the hydration… and sunscreen… and consent.)

Don’t vandalize anything. (InkAddict will hook you up with a place for your doodles.)

Look for love in all the wrong places.

Give your legs a rest a few times a day.

Enjoy the art.

Save a life.

Stay cool in the heat.

Party Hard (with Andrew W.K., who will also marry you if your sign is polite enough.)

Bring all your valuables and wear all white to see GWAR. Trust us, these Riot Fest vets would never do anything outrageous.

If you don’t have any tattoos, no worries, plenty of others don’t… we think.

Bring a friend because BFFs RF 4E!

Pick up after your pets.

Dress in your Sunday Best.

Act locally, fuck globally.

Eat well.

Find Christ if you need him, he’ll be your buddy!

Prioritize.

Put your game face on.

Shade is your friend… and so is this guy!

Act like a kid.

More cowbell (hellzapoppin)

Fight for your right to party!

Dance like nobody’s watching! (That’s Fishbone and we totally gave away tickets to see them so you should probably follow us on Facebook)

Be a horny skank… get it? Horns and ska!

Take Back Sunday on a Saturday

Take some pics, you might forget what happened. (Because there’s so much going on not because you got kicked in the head.)

Be smart with your money. (It’s a Pennywise play on words)

Have a fucking potty mouth (and check out rad girls who rock, like Potty Mouth) fuckers!

Hang in there, the days can be long and there may be gaps in between what you want to do but it’s totally worth it.

Don’t be this same asshole every year! (These were only $25 at the merch booth)

Follow BAS. Why? Because we gave away Riot Fest tickets this year!

Follow Riot Fest on Twitter and download the Riot Fest app. Your funny bone, charitable side, and anal-ness will thank you.

Of all the festivals across this great land, very few are more inclusive, quirky, mind-boggling, and mind-boggling all at the same time. Your 13-year-old self will thank you and so will your 33-year-old self, shoot your 53-year-old self will be sore but still glad you went. From Peaches to Paramore and thrill shows to the tilt-a-whirl, for 3-days every nerd, geek, dweeb, freak, punk, slacker, stoner, hip-hop head, and music lover will have the best weekend of their lives instead of going to the Gathering of the Juggalos.

Authors Note: Riot Fest, you were so good to us press people, especially the awkward guy with the underpowered camera who fanboyed over almost every act he shot. Thank you for the love, hospitality, and hard work! We will see you next year Riot Fest… right? Right?! RIGHT?!? Oh come on, pretty please! We’ll totally behave we promise, we will even wear our nicest dress!