Oakland Closes Fire Stations While Los Angeles Burns
While our southern California cousins deal with the worst wildfire in the history of Los Angeles, we here in the Bay Area have our own potential problems. We seem to have cities working hard to make California’s wildfire preparedness even worse. Oakland is experiencing a budget crisis and considering that no one can even utter the word Oakland without someone blurting out “that city is fucking dangerous,” certainly doesn’t help incentivize businesses to invest in ‘the Town.’ This creates a constrained taxbase which leads to budget deficits. We even fucking lost In-N-Out. No one loses In-N-Out.
Well, no one except for us.
While I certainly won’t miss the smell of onions mixed with ass wafting in the air around the Oakland Airport, the city of Oakland will certainly miss the revenue. And, to be entirely honest, the smell of ass onions is certainly preferential to the overwhelming scent of wildfire smoke. However, our city leaders seem to disagree, as Oakland’s plan to balance the budget has culminated in the elimination of multiple Oakland fire stations.
Oakland is already an incredibly underserved city surrounded by wealth. Name a problem, and without hesitation, I can confirm Oakland not only has it, but has it in greater proportions than other communities. Oakland can barely afford the problems it currently has; a wildfire, even one less severe than what Los Angeles is currently experiencing, would be catastrophic for the city.
Two fire stations in the Oakland Hills have been confirmed for temporary closure, another station, in Oakland’s Downtown-adjacent Grand Lake neighborhood will also remain closed. At least four others have been proposed for either temporary or permanent closure, leaving underserved Oakland even more vulnerable to potential disaster.
Naturally, this pissed off members of Oakland’s Firefighter Union, so the brave men and women of Local 55 staged a rally in front of City Hall to bring attention to the closure of Oakland’s fire stations. Oakland’s $13 million dollar budget shortfall, while problematic, shouldn’t result in the reduction of essential services. In simpler terms, Oakland should cut something else.
Or maybe, I know this is a radical idea, but what if the federal government, the one that seems to produce blank checks for war criminals, redirected some of that money for local governments so Americans citizens don’t suffer?
I know that sounds absolutely fucking ridiculous to suggest such an absurdity, but hypothetically speaking, if the American government can pay for bombs in Eastern Europe or the Middle East, they could also theoretically pay for fire stations. $13 million dollars is a ton of money for private individuals, but it’s literally less than a fart in the wind for the Feds.
If I were Mayor of a city like Oakland, I would annoy the fuck out of the Biden Administration. I would go on TV and be like “Just give us $13 million, bro! Borrow that shit from China, we’re never paying them back anyway. Fuck it”
And that is precisely why they will never allow me to become mayor.