Donald Trump Is Moving to San Francisco

While Donald Trump hates the people in San Francisco, he likes the money and the land, so in a twist so shocking it would make M Night Shyamalan cum in his pants, Donald has decided to move to San Francisco. If you think Trump is moving into a luxury high rise penthouse or an already established, primarily affluent area, he’s not. He’s creating an entirely new space, he’s actually in the process of privatizing the Presidio and converting it into the “Mara-Lago of the West Coast.”

The plan is to completely change the face of the Presidio into something, as Trump said, “a little more MAGA,” According to reports by KEQD

The Palace of Fine Arts will be converting into a coastal shooting range where pictures of BLM protesters, famous communists such as Karl Marx, Lenin, and your old roommate from college who read the Communist Manifesto and has since transformed his love of the working class into a micro-niche internet celebrity stardom.

That’s not the end of the makeovers, the Walt Disney Family Museum will be completely torn down and replaced with the first ever AI-operated Tesla dealership. No workers required! All customers will need to do in order to purchase the vehicle is go to a Kiosk, have an active driver’s license, pass a credit check in order to finance the vehicle, digitally sign the contact, and BOOM, your new vehicle will drive itself out of automated dealership directly to you. You’ll never have to interact with a working class person again! Truly exciting times. As Trump wisely said when he first got behind the wheel of a Tesla, “Everything is computer!”

Trump will be building his mansion on the immigrant’s Point overlook because he wants him and his team to personally be certain no immigrant is crossing the Pacific to get into America unless they have purchased Trump’s $5 million “Gold Card” visa. Which is truly an innovative and very smart solution. I’ve always felt if you’re going to have the audacity to not be an American, can you at the very least have the decency to be rich?

The mansion will be named the Patriot’s Palace. The help staff will be entirely poor whites from red states, that is until they are completely automated out of employment by Elon Musk’s Tesla robots. Innovation isn’t when technology is utilized to better society, innovation is a term people in Silicon Valley use when the brightest nerds in the world come up with new and inventive ways to devalue the labor of the working class!

For the nostalgia-minded among us, there is some good news! The Presidio Golf Course will remain intact, but only rich people will be allowed to use it, as it will be entirely privatized. This shouldn’t be a problem because only rich people golf in the first place, so essentially nothing will change.

San Francisco is finally moving in the Right direction!

Also, not sure if you’re aware of this, but it’s April 1st.