Let me be clear, this is not a post about maximizing your response rate on Craigslist’s erotic services, which under new terms will probably be exactly the same, only with more thinly-guised code wordplay (“50 green roses for a mouth massage”). Nor is it about other accesible forms of literal satisfaction like completing a checklist or flossing out a sinew of mango. It’s about Italian techno and clubs with promotion flyers that look like this:
I’ll have the martini, hold the class. But seriously, don’t judge. If you go to Elevate for their Friday night “Satisfcation” Party, you can think of it as dressing up and role-playing, like when my brother, who, armed with a length of pvc piping foam wrapped in duct tape (a “sword”), would trudge through old farmland in Maine wearing a handmade woolen cape. They have a complimentary open bar from 5-6 pm and then 2-1 drinks until 7:30 pm. The whole time you can get 25 cents wings.
Elevate is @ 390 8th Ave (btwn W 29th & W 30th St)
Later, Italian godfather of “hypnotech” Benny Benassi is spinning at Pacha, the Ibiza-born megaclub, whose worldwide locations are synonymous with drug-club. I went to the Pacha in Buenos Aires and they charged $10 (dollars, not pesos) for water, because when people are rolling they aren’t buying alcohol. 10 dollars there, otherwise spent, could buy 1 lb. of steak, 1 liter of beer, and implants.
If you aren’t familiar with Benny’s oeuvre, just listen to one of his songs – they all sound the same and use his trademark deep, subterranean synth bass, which is synonymous with Pacha, which is synonymous with drug-club. If you sign up for the list here, admission is free before midnight. Doors open at 10pm.
Pacha is located @ 618 W 46th St (between Eleventh and Twelfth Aves)