Lessons The Pandemic Has Taught Me About My Facebook Friends

Yes, I’m just as flabbergasted at awfulness of my friends online as this handsome man in the stock photo is.

BY LAURIE RIIHIMAKI

They say that tragedy can bring out people’s true colors. And that was certainly the case with the pandemic. Now you’d think empathy would be the number one reaction to this deadly no-shame virus, but you’d be wrong. The biggest reaction to come from this was assholiness.

That’s right. Throughout this lock-down, stay-at-home, pandemic, I discovered that most of my friends were actually egotistical d*cks (wayyyy bigger than I’ve ever seen) spouting their opinions/ “facts” without caring about the consequences.

Here is a list of the types of posts that bogged down my timeline and made me learn to love staying at home away from society…and my former friends.

The Maskers vs. Non-Maskers

Alright, we get it, some people like to wear masks and others don’t. Maskers claim it’s for the good of the country. Non-maskers claim our country is taking our rights and our fresh air away. And something about guns…probably.

Think about this though…Maybe the maskers love that they help to cover up their acne and weird teeth. And, maybe non-maskers hate them because they can’t breathe, and smoking a pack of cigs a day couldn’t be the reason for not being able to catch a breath of air through a thin piece of cloth.

Whatever their reason for liking or not liking the f*cking mask mandate, keep it to yourself. We don’t need to hear you mask-shaming everyone who shops at Walmart.

The Experts

Alright, so this one really pisses me off. This is a general issue that was already in place BEFORE the pandemic but got ramped up real quick in the heat of the situation. Everyone on the internet claims to be an expert in something whether it be flyfishing, relationships, or songwriting. So when the disease started to spread, Facebook users became the number one EXPERTS on COVID.

People who think they are experts on something that they did not study, didn’t go to school for, have no degree in, and don’t even have a LinkedIn endorsement for can stop talking about the “facts” right now.

As a journalist, I am outraged at the “news” articles my Facebook friends have posted, claiming FACT. Umm, sorry, have you checked your sources? Because legit, I do this for a living and I don’t think this midwesterner’s Mommy blog is a reputable source to expose the TRUTH about the virus.

The Stimulus Check Posters

Truth is, receiving money from the government REALLY set people off during this whole sh*t show. It’s weird that a check in the mail made people so angry…Hmm, someone better tell Publisher’s Clearing House.

Some people spent time typing out long posts about how it wasn’t enough. Others proudly posted pics of their shiny new toys accompanied with the hashtag #stimuluscheck, #payday, or #thanksTrump. Funny how just days before these people posted statuses about hating socialism and wanting less interference from the government in their lives.

Honestly, the stimulus check just made me really confused about where my friends stood in regards to politics.

The Mental Health Advocates

Yes, I agree. Mental health is super important and honestly, when I am not practicing self-care I fall apart just like every other millennial. But, ok, can we stop talking about it like every second of the day? Like, seriously, it’s actually REMINDING me that I’m depressed and need a hug.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think being open about mental health is beautiful and powerful. I just don’t want to hear how the whole world is a herd of Eeyores waiting for the next big piece of bad news while they waste away on their couch with anxiety about the unpredictabilities of the world. Like, can’t we talk about something a little lighter like that new episode of The Bachelor?

The People Who Are Trying To Accomplish Everything

Ok, productive people, I see you. Working on your fitness in the AM, switching to some glassblowing in the early morn, then getting into work-mode building a new online branding business, followed by an afternoon of tai-chi and meditation, which then leads to a dinner inspired by a YouTube famous chef you follow and concluding with writing a novel while playing the spoons and advocating for homeless children on the internet.

We get it. You’re successful. Good for you. We just don’t want to hear about it when we go to Facebook to escape the boredom of being stuck indoors for a year. Not all of us are gifted with the vision of possibility. Some of us would rather sit on the couch and eat chips.