The ‘Madlibs’ for a Foolproof Dating Profile

If you’re not looking for love on a dating site than most agree you’ll find yourself single for a while until you try to coax someone to date you IRL. We made this online dating profile template to help you write the perfect profile. Guaranteed laughs: not at all proven to lure any or all of those hot Bay Area singles.*

We all agree that dating in the Bay Area is super hard. Sites like Bumble, OK Cupid, Grindr, and Tinder are pretty much just a thumb swipe exercise – but every so often someone might read your profile. Don’t worry, if you want to attract a partner that shares your same interests we have the perfect online dating template for you to meet other broke and beautiful people. We took a handful of the most commonly used phrases in a typical dating profile and flipped it so you can make them unique to you. You’ll get the best results if you have a friend help you fill this out.

Don’t be that sad girl in the bottom left corner

Hi, I’m ___(name)___ (____(pronouns)__). I’m new to the area and online dating but my ___(person)___ told me I had to try this to get myself out there. I’m a ___(adjective)___ ___(noun)___. If I had to pick three words to describe me they would be ___(adjective)___, a ___(adjective)___ ___(noun)___, and someone who loves to ___(verb)___. Okay, that was a few more than three words, but it’s fun to break the rules from time to time, right?

I’m new to online dating, but I know what I’m looking for in a ___(noun)___. My ___(noun)___  is important to me, so I want to find a ___(noun)___  who feels the same way.I’d say I’m just your typical ___(gender)___. I like to go on ___(plural noun)___ and I just want a ___(noun)___ in crime. I love to ___(verb)___. On weekends, my friends and I like to ___(singular verb)___, ___(verb)___ and/or ___(verb)___  with me. My friends say I’m really __(abstract noun)__. I like to go to ___(plural noun)___ because I’m really into ___(verb ending in ing)___. On weekdays, you can find me ___(verb ending in ing)___ all the time if I have enough spoons. Some say I ___(verb)___ hard and play hard.Additionally, I’m really into ___(noun)___, so a person who likes to cuddle up on the ___(noun)___  to Netflix and  ___(verb)___ instead of going out on a ___(weekday)___ night is the right match for me.I’m very ___(adjective)___ in bed. My fetishes include___(verb ending in ing)___, ___(verb ending in ing)___ and ___(verb ending in ing)___ while we ___(verb)___  on the ___(noun)___. Honestly, I don’t care what you’re into, as long as you’re ___(adjective)___ about it.

If you think maybe we could be right for each other, send me a ___(noun)___! I’m kind of ___(adjective)___, but if you reach out, I come out of my ___(noun)___. 

Not looking for ___(noun)___. ___(adjective)___ vibes only.

*Psst: This article is satire.

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