Twitter CEO Elon Musk Reportedly Forcing Workers to Sleep On-Site

Twitter Kamikaze pilot Elon Musk is purportedly forcing Twitter’s few remaining employees to sleep on-site.

Twitter is allegedly forcing its few remaining employees to sleep in makeshift bedrooms at its Market Street headquarters.

A whistleblower alerted San Francisco’s 311 service, backed up by a Forbes report that described conference rooms rudely converted to “modest bedrooms featuring unmade mattresses, drab curtains and giant conference-room telepresence monitors.”

Anonymous employees told editors at Forbes that up to eight bedrooms had been installed on each floor of the Art Deco building. Whether this is part of Musk’s “hardcore Twitter” remains unconfirmed. The Chronicle, which reported on the story yesterday, learned that no applications have been filed to convert any square footage into residential space.

“We investigate all complaints. We need to make sure the building is being used as intended. There are different building code requirements for residential buildings, including those being used for short-term stays. These codes make sure people are using spaces safely,” Patrick Hannan, spokesperson for the Department of Building Inspection, told the Chronicle.

Musk seemingly confirmed via Twitter that the ailing social media company had indeed put bunks in-place for its employees. Rather than rehire its wrongly fired experts, it appears the corporation’s new CEO would rather foist all their workloads on overwhelmed staff. In a vain effort to recapture the work lost, Musk has potentially violated several labor laws and building codes.

Musk responded to criticism by criticizing Mayor London Breed for her failure to focus on San Francisco’s drug crisis.

“So city of SF attacks companies providing beds for tired employees instead of making sure kids are safe from fentanyl. Where are your priorities @LondonBreed!?” Musk posted on Twitter, linking to a Chronicle piece about the fentanyl-related overdose of a 10-month-old. Hiding behind the death of an infant is a new low for Musk, who once called British cave diver Vern Unsworth a pedophile. The diver was essential in rescuing twelve young soccer players and their coach from a flooded cave in Thailand.

San Francisco’s Department of Building Inspection plans to conduct an on-site inspection for possible infractions.

UPDATE: 1:15am, Dec. 8th, 2022.

Twitter employees have occupied Musk’s makeshift sleeping quarters for more than a month. In early November, Project Management Director Esther Crawford was pictured in an eye mask and sleeping bag on a conference room floor. The photo, originally posted by colleague Evan Jones, was captioned, “When you need something from your boss at elon at twitter.” 

Twitter Project Management Director Esther Crawford tries to get some rest in a sleeping bag on a foam mattress pad. Twitter HQ, 1355 Market St., Nov. 1, 2022. @evanstnlyjones

Crawford got ahold of the picture and retweeted with a caption of her own, which read, “When your team is pushing round the clock to make deadlines sometimes you #SleepWhereYouWork,” a play on #LoveWhereYouWork. Whether Crawford’s supplicant spin on the controversial photo will preserve her job remains to be seen.

Twitter employees were initially provided foam mattresses and camping gear, an uncanny mirror to the conditions outside their downtown headquarters. Musk’s brand of homelessness is veiled with a screen of cultish dedication; if you #LiveWhereYouWork, where’s home? The latest installment of unpermitted sleeping quarters resembles a blend of a hospital’s on-call room and an AirBnB. 

Artificial plants try in vain to cultivate the organic feel of a proper living space. Minimalist nightstands flank the white-covered, full-size beds. Garish orange carpet and matching accent walls try and fail to bring any sense of cohesion. An ominous pair of oversize monitors jut out from the wall. NBC Bay Area’s Sergio Quintana reported that rooms come with individual access codes. Employees may make reservations for these uninspired chambers, each named something like “Dollarbird” and “Goldeneye,” via an app. 

Since Musk began forcing employees to sleep on-site, security agents have been closely watching the building’s cleaning staff. Workers are reportedly being monitored by guards while cleaning the new bedrooms, with some calling the treatment barbaric. They were also instructed never to speak when Musk is in the building, to do literally nothing besides perform their duties.

It is not known whether the images of the impromptu dormitories came from Twitter employees or a third-party, such as those employed by the sanitation company. Cleaning staff are currently protesting Elon Musk’s sudden dissolution of Twitter’s contract with their employers. Workers found themselves locked out of 1355 Market Street without notice last Friday morning.