Someone Lit The Target In Vallejo On Fire

Credit: TaurusEmerald

It’s been awhile and a lot has happened since my last article. I had a cancer scare, had back surgery, got a new girlfriend, faced a real risk of paralysis and began working with pro-Palestinian activists. So for this article, I’ve decided to go back to my roots and focus on what’s important in my life: shitting on Vallejo. 

Vallejo is a city that genuinely can’t seem to catch a break. The ‘itty bitty city by the water’ perched on the northern end of the Bay seems to be offensive to God or something because Vallejo is always in the news and never for anything good. 

So what does the home of E-40 and the Zodiac Killer have for us this week? Well, someone lit a fucking Target on fire for starters. 

Someone walked into the Target on Admiral Callaghan in East Vallejo at around 3 PM and decided it would be a swell idea to light the toilet paper aisle on fire. The perpetrator was caught not long after the incident on Springs Road. I wonder what their motivations were. Were they crazy or were they simply an overambitious bidet salesman? The world may never know! 

What we do know is that the fire caused over 3 million dollars in damages, and that the store is closed “indefinitely.” 

This is bad news for Vallejo because the city is already horribly underserved. Like fucking Walmart even left town. A group of activists petitioned to get a Trader Joe’s in town and Trader Joe’s politely declined. North and South Vallejo are both federally recognized food deserts. While M&M Liquor and Kings technically both have food, it’s not like hot links qualify as fresh produce. 

While I’ve regularly mocked the panic when chain stores close in places like San Francisco, in Vallejo, shit like this actually matters. Vallejoans regularly head outside of city limits to shop. Back when I was a resident of Vallejo, I would often travel to Fairfield, Napa, and Pinole to get anything beyond the basic shit you can find at Safeway. Also why does Fairfield get a Trader Joe’s? Fairfield sucks just as much as Vallejo and Vallejo has better weather and Bay views! Fairfield has Sacramento swamp ass heat and loud ass planes flying overhead all the time because of Travis Airforce Base. 

There is a silver lining to this story. No one was injured despite the severity of the fire and the Vallejo Fire Department did successfully put out the blaze, so, ‘ya know, focus on the good things. 

I have a feeling that Target is probably gonna leave Vallejo and then the entire town is even more fucked, but I hope not. 

I know it sounds like I’m being hard on Vallejo, but I fucking love Vallejo. I’m just saying you gotta get your shit together a little bit. Your entire economy can’t be Six Flags and LaRussell. 

Also… Shoutout to LaRussell.

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