Who Lost The Presidential Debate? America.
Biden & Trump – Credit: Emma Kaden
Written by Ian Firstenberg
Thursday’s debate felt good and instilled a lot of confidence in the future of America… Just Kidding
Luckily, I’ve never had a terminal disease. That said, watching the debate felt like I was dying.
Trump and Biden spent the majority of the time bickering over pedantic policy points and golf handicaps. So, it’s tough to declare a winner, they both shined in the worst way possible. Don’s hair appeared to be thinning which made his heavily makeup-coated skin appear disturbingly moist. Biden, by contrast, was pale as though covered in baby powder. Dry as a bone in the desert which made the mouth-agape stare he had in between questions very calming.
Most of us expected it to be bad. Most of us expected it to be petty arguing with few, if any, policy points. And we were right. But also, oh so wrong. Despite how bad I assumed it would be. It was, to my delight, much much worse. The squabbling reminded me of a very grim cultural touchstone in the early 2000s called Bum Fights, where some piece of shit would pay homeless dudes to fight and film it for money.
Neither Biden nor Trump could provide one substantive answer to any of the questions. Trump’s arrogance and self aggrandizing was old in 2020 and feels so pathetic now. Biden made a couple attempted explanations on granular points like Pell Grants or veteran affairs, but would inevitably fumble like a 22 year old in the throes of a Ketamine high.
The big talking point from Donny Deals was immigration, as he continuously lied or overexaggerated the threat to our southern border.
It seemed unlikely that Biden could come out of Thursday night looking good – even still he shit the bed (no pun intended) – given the wedge he’s in rhetorically. Biden can’t gesture to the left for obvious reasons and he can’t go full nationalism either so he’s left doing this weird “Liberal America’s already great thing” that can’t and doesn’t work on anyone but the clinically insane.
With all that in mind, you’d expect – or I did to some degree – Trump to knock him out of the park like Barry Bonds in 2006. He did not. He rambled like a coked out Orange (ha) County car salesmen melting in the Southern California sun. He made every point he could about himself and failed to provide even one remotely cogent applicable answer.
So, what are our takeaways? Well for one, if national elections or national politics writ large are all spectacle, then who gives a shit about the debates anyway?
I’m not a spiritual man but you could make an argument that the supreme ineptitude of these two moth balls represents a karmic debt. America – being the sprawling, masterful post-WWII empire that it is – has earned some embarrassment, if not outright retribution.
Why is this happening? I’m not paid enough to answer these questions, but when you get in the voting booth this November try to think back on that steamy June night and remember Joe’s mumbling point about Pell Grant recipients or Trump’s bombastic bullshit about immigrant criminals and vote with your heart.
Howdy! My name is Katy Atchison and I'm an Associate Editor for Broke-Ass Stuart.
I want to take the time to say thank you for supporting independent news media by reading BrokeAssstuart.com. Supporting independent news sources like Broke-Ass Stuart is vital to supporting our community because it amplifies the voices of a wide variety of diverse opinions. You also help support small businesses and local artists by sharing stories from Broke-Ass Stuart.
Because you're one of our supporters, I wanted to send over a pro-tip.
Our bi-weekly newsletter is a great way to get round ups of Broke-Ass Stuart stories, learn about new businesses in The Bay Area, find out about fun local events and be first in line for giveaways.
If you’d like to get our newsletter, signup right here, it takes 5 seconds.
You Might Also Like
