WAYMO “Black” Cancelled After DEI Cuts
Washington D.C. April 1st, 2025 – After weeks of pressure from The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), WAYMO has announced it will be cutting its new “WAYMO Black” fleet of cars, effective immediately.
The announcement was made by DOGE Enforcement Officer named Everett Dicksson, who is 19 years old, via his DOGE.gov and x.com account @BigBallSucker:
“The government has begun its purge of all DEI-related hires and programs in government-permitted companies that operate in the District of Colombia,” he wrote, “WAYMO Black failed several of our DEI keyword searches, so we forced them to cut the program, OR we’d cut their permits to operate in our capital, today is a great day for America.”
A WAYMO spokesperson explained his frustration to the press Tuesday but wished to remain anonymous for fear of government retribution, he said, “I blame myself for including the words ‘Black’ and ‘diversification of color’ when describing the newly painted fleet of cars,” he lamented, “next time we’ll describe them as ‘obsidian’ or something.”
UBER “Black” has already begun painting all its cars white in hopes of avoiding DOGE scrutiny. “In the DC Area”, UBER Spokeswoman commented, “All Uber’s will be painted white, the same color as mayonnaise, also, we at UBER Love our dear leader President Trump, and his brave husband Elon, they are making America Great Again.”
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration is investigating at least 22 reports of Waymo “Black” vehicles for safety concerns, but while no accidents or injuries had been reported with the black cars, local DC Police Officer Kenny Powers did report that the WAYMO Black cars “looked suspicious” and “out of place” on the streets of Georgetown.
This article is satire and does not reflect facts or any real reporting, and the photography is ai generated nonsense, on account of it being APRIL FOOLS DAY!
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