Show the World's Bullies Who's Boss at International Pillow Fight Day

As a kid, I was picked on a lot.

These things happen when you’re frail, freckle-faced and a tad effeminate. Pair that with “Little Ronnie Howard” red hair and an overbite big enough to make Mr. Ed envious and, well, you’re destined for years of torment and teasing.

I was taunted with every name in the book back then. Poindexter. Bucky Beaver. Alfred E. Neuman. And a few times I was called faggot. Nasty little word, that last one.

But all that nonsense ended when I grew a pair. Of balls, I mean, in case allusion is lost on you. A few years of orthodontics helped, too.

Now I don’t take shit from anyone – no matter how big they are. Life’s too short to spend it being pushed around by doofs who have more brawn than brains.

Eh – Not so fast, my friends of limited strength and over-sized vendettas…

Before you start puffing up those concave pecs, realize that I don’t advocate violence of any sort – so don’t go around punching people in the puss and blaming it all on Mikey Rox; I’m not your fall guy.

But, between you and me, every time International Pillow Fight Day rolls around, my chest does get a little hairier, my ‘nads a little naddier.

Revenge is sweet – and simple. Just grab a pillow – the featherless kind (unless you want to clean up that mess); head to Union Square; scope out the scene; and attack the biggest, bulliest-looking douche-nozzle there. Whack away until he realizes what hit him. Then run like the motherfucking wind.

When you’ve caught your breath, you’ll feel it – the weight of antiquated anguish will be gone. And nothing got hurt.

Except for that guy’s ego, of course.

Some sacrifices must be made.

International Pillow Fight Day
Union Square
Saturday, April 3
3pm
FREE