Shallow Reasons I’m Single
The only time I feel compelled to date these days is when other people encourage me to get out of my personal bubble. So, I try. It seems that I can’t find a happy medium, and the following reasons deter me from moving past the initial first dates and often the simple stages of initial communication. My reasons for halting contact are shallow and trivial, but at twenty-something years of age I think they are completely justified.
Text Etiquette
…or lack thereof. Every time I get the “Hey how r u?” text I cringe a little bit. I wonder how difficult it would be to type out a couple of additional letters to make a full word. Is there even an excuse with autocorrect? I am aware this pet peeve is ridiculous, but it’s difficult for me to take a 30-something year old grown man seriously when he types out “c ya.” In case you didn’t already know, I enjoy the written word and take it quite seriously. Anyone who is compatible with me will need to feel the same way.
You’re v. Your, Their v. There
Piggybacking off of text etiquette, I am continually surprised people are able to graduate high school without knowing the differences between these words. I also can’t take the “your beautiful” compliment seriously when they don’t know the difference between a possessive adjective and the contraction of “you are.” Do you here me? Wait, I mean, “hear.” That’s another one I can’t get past. I’m no English teacher, but if people are sloppy in their every day language, I do not even want to know what else they neglect in life.
Talking about Feelings
I have a lot of feelings, so I don’t think I am ready to hear about yours… at least not after a couple of weeks. I’m sure this is directly correlated with my only child syndrome. It’s difficult for me to get past the three-date mark because a lot of guys seem to think there is a deep relationship forming after a dinner or two. I don’t want to talk about our future when I am just learning about your profession and whether or not you like cats or dogs. I don’t want to be the male of the relationship, but with all these emotions, I kind of feel like I am. I can’t deal.
Animals
I once dated a guy with a pet snake. The snake was surprisingly pretty cool, but it also didn’t follow us around or require walking. That said, I am not a huge animal person. I don’t want your dog to sleep with us or stare while we make out, and I definitely don’t want to come home to my new shoes torn apart. If we need to worry about who is walking Fido and you can’t bear to be away from him for a week while we’re on vacation, you’re probably better off finding another animal lover. ::sneeze:: Did I mentioned I’m allergic to dander?
Your Ex
I used to lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, but men who gush about their horrible breakup is now beyond my realm of patience. It’s important to be able to talk about past experiences and what made you the person you are today, but come on. If you’re giving me every detail about your ex and how horrible she was to you then please- just leave me alone. Man up and stop being so petty… I’m sure you played your part. Besides, I like myself too much to be the rebound girl.
Couch Potato
Oh, so you like sports? I already see that you believe it is necessary to post about every single sports move on Facebook. It’s obvious you think the opposing team members are terrible, but how are your own athletic abilities? Do you ever go DO things, or do you just sit in front of a television and eat pizza while watching men tackle each other? By saying this I am fairly sure I’ll be single forever and/or weed out 90% of the male population from ever wanting to talk with me (and that is okay), but I can no longer pretend to care about some college boys throwing a football while I check my phone and make a move on Word With Friends.
Groupthink
As an independent person who is happy spending a Friday night making brownies, writing, or enjoying a solo dining experience, people who surround themselves with groups of people like they did in high school just freak me out. I understand enjoying hanging out with friends, but when you need to consult your peers about your every life decision and worry about what they will think of me, please, find someone else. I don’t like everyone else involved in my personal life. You’re an adult now. Be your own person.
Long gone are the days of complaining about a boyfriend or trying to change someone for who they are. I’m just stating my personal opinion. Besides, I’m sure I’m not the only one who expects full-length words via text message.
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