When I was 23, my friend and I lived in a tiny apartment in the Upper East Side where we shared an inflatable mattress and used our oven as a heater. We had a tiny TV and all we could watch was Dexter, 27 Dresses, and 500 Days of Summer.

It was a 4th of July. I was fresh from spending 2 years in LA and I’d arrived with the promise that my Ex-boyfriend, Bob and I would get back together, except he dumped me instead… Nevertheless, the important ex in this story is a piece of human shit named