I’ve been lucky enough to get ahold of the secret menu and now I’m sharing it with you dear readers. It’s like ordering “animal style” at In-N-Out but like “Super Crazy Kung-Fu Chop Animal Style”! Read below and let your mouth water.

Welcome to our cooking column Eating My Feelings, where Calvin Amari shows all you broke bastards how to cook great food on the cheap and do it with hilarity. This motherfucker can cook, trust me. He’s a culinary genius. By Calvin Amari How did I end up here? How did I end up as

I hate yams because they straddle the line between savory and sweet with such limp optimism. Your mouth hopes the yam will take it in some definitive direction but no. It never chooses.