Half of the fucking U.S. is covered with snow and we’re still going to ‘Spring forward’ this weekend. March 8 is the earliest date we’ve ever transitioned into Daylight Saving Time, and that’s bullshit. How in the fuck can we “Spring forward” when it is not yet even Spring? In all

If your nipples aren’t bleeding yet, I would assume that you are not human. I can understand, however, the physical dexterity you possess, which prevents blood from leaking out of your tightly erect nipples, if you answer to the names Mr. Freeze, Queen Elsa of Arendelle, Princess Anna of Arendelle,

I don’t know about you but this Polar Vortex is fucking with my livelihood, my health, and my basic human functionalities. It has rendered me virtually immobile. It’s not that I’m using the bitter cold temperatures and the unpredictable blitzkriegs of snow as an excuse to lie around my apartment

Despite the calendar that indicates that spring is arriving this week, New York is clutching on to winter as tight as Times Square tourist holds on to his wallet. All this recent slushy snow and ass-whooping wind that bounces off the city’s concrete and creeps through my layers of goose

Since I’m not equipped to quantum leap into the tropical Caribbean warmth, nor will I shell out the dough for a pricey health club, I turn elsewhere for warmth on days like today, with the temperature in the teens and an icy wind ready to whip at your eyeballs and

If you’re like most inhabitants of the Big Apple, you’re originally from somewhere else. For many, that “somewhere else” entails humidity levels that can alter hair to unrecognizable levels of poufdom and/or winters that don’t start until early November. This thin-skinned North Carolinian learned the hard way that you can’t

It’s Fall! Winter’s sneaky little sidekick is creeping up on us quickly. As I write this you may be chopping down a bundle of firewood to get you through the upcoming frozen hell of whatever place you live in. Fall hasn’t reached California yet. We are still blessed with jacket-optional