Celebrate the Opposite of Independence

For those of us “quite knackered” by the yanks and their Independence Day shenanigans, here are a few ways to celebrate the days before the 4th of July and honor the crown. 

Donald Trump’s America sucks. The 4th of July has always been a difficult holiday to celebrate for anyone with a modicum of critical thinking skills, but it’s especially hard to reconcile what’s happening to America (and what we’re doing to the rest of the world) this year. 

Independence Day is a celebration of the American Revolution, when our nation’s forefathers overthrew the Brits. So here are some totally unserious ways to enjoy British arts and culture around San Francisco, mostly to get your mind off the dumb shit the White House is up to.

If you fancy a cuppa, go have high tea at Lovejoys or Sip Tea Room. It’s a good excuse to dress in fancy clothes, wear a silly hat, and stick your pinky out. Of course, tea culture (like many other aspects of the British Empire) is stolen, but the tiny sandwiches are also delicious.

British people are famous for their behavior and mannerisms, especially when it comes to the perception of an orderly society as displayed in a queue, or line. If queues are your favorite thing, there are plenty of opportunities to practice in San Francisco. Plus, most of them come with a great reward.

For example, you can stand in a long line at Butter and Crumble and get something delicious off their menu. Or if you want to do something more touristy, check out the line for the Powell Street Cable Car turnaround, where you can enjoy watching the often goofy and charming SFMTA workers putting their shoulders into the movement of our famous “trollies” downtown. 

Would you rather go to a pub and wait for it to all blow over, a la Shaun of the Dead? You’ve got some grand choices here. We’ve got some good pubs at Black Horse London Pub, Dingles Public House, or The Pig and Whistle. Order a fish and chips, get a pint, and wash away any thought of American foods like hot dogs.

London is famous for its fog, just like us here in San Francisco. If you need something that doesn’t cost a cent, you can walk around the avenues and feel right at home. There are plenty of parks, long wide streets, and if you squint your eyes and use your imagination you can practically see Big Ben.

Speaking of fog, do you think it’ll interfere with the once-in-a-lifetime planned fireworks display off the Golden Gate Bridge? Who’s to say. If the fireworks show ends up ruined, keep a stiff upper lip. You can be a homebody. Get some snacks from a shop like Willow on the Green, cozy up on the couch, and pop on an episode of Monty Don, Great British Bake-off, or of course The Crown itself.

God Save the Fog.