How The F*ck Do We Protect Pedestrians in SF?

San Francisco has some of the highest paid police officers in the country according to some research. Their average total comp is over $248,000 a year. For all that money you’d think they would enforce traffic laws. 

It’s possible that pro-police advocates are right: some laws making it harder to be racist have also made it harder for police (who were invented as slave-catchers) to do their job. I know when something is too difficult, I want to give up too. 

But whether it’s because laws are harder to enforce now because of woke, or because cops are throwing a hissy fit while collecting an insane amount of money on the backs of hardworking taxpayers who then get run over or become casualties of high speed chases on our narrow city streets, drivers act with impunity. 

Anecdotally, I’ve seen cars do far worse than what we called the California Roll growing up in Albuquerque. It’s not just a failure to stop for the legally mandated three seconds at stop signs. Drivers speed through red lights, block cross walks, and park in bike lanes regularly here. Not just people, but pesky autonomous vehicles too! The funniest part? Can’t ticket a Waymo if they don’t have a wallet to whip out upon being asked for license and registration, apparently. 

So, everything is dire and we’re all fucked. Cars have taken over San Francisco and we might as well just hide in our overpriced shabby apartments and use drones to get burritos that cost 1000% more than it costs to hand make a tortilla (the trick is using lard). Right?

Nah. San Francisco has a storied tradition of figuring shit out. We are The City That Knows How, after all. Here are some things street safety activists are doing. 

Bike politics are a big part of Bay Area history. From the Bicycle Bandits of yore to the bike wars between former Mayor Willie Brown and, well, everyone, bikes are a signifier of rebellion, freedom, and new conceptions of justice.

And it’s a tried-and-true way to deal with traffic issues. In fact, tactical urbanism goes hand-in-hand with bike infrastructure and activations like the monthly Critical Mass. For more on street activism, check out what I wrote for BrokeAssStuart.com in 2024. Since then, over two dozen pedestrians have died in San Francisco…

You might not think of benches as a traffic calming measure, but as far as sitting around goes, these bad boys do far more than the police. Residents recognize that having a safe place to sit encourages people to relax, observe, and be more comfortable riding our under-supported public transit. 

The rainbow crosswalks in the Castro really make you stop and stare. And new crosswalks in the Mission pay homage to the American Indian Cultural District. Crosswalks are not only a sign of a safe place to cross the street, but a potential site for art and culture that celebrates a neighborhood. If only Waymos weren’t programmed to block them! 

In other cities like Los Angeles, residents are taking the matter into their own hands and painting crosswalks anywhere they belong. They risk fines, of course, but it’s worth it for them to call out the hypocrisy of Vision Zero.

I have a friend who bitterly complains that the flimsy little bollards you see “protecting” bike lanes on busy streets are such a farce that it’s better to have nothing at all. And after seeing a sketch wherein a young man casually scratches his nuts by walking straight into said traffic calming measures, I am inclined to agree.

Currently many of our Slow Streets use purple paddles to deter traffic, but in the future-forward East Bay they’re streets ahead of us, using concrete planters to ensure that the appropriate type of transportation is used on designated streets. 

There are ways to make streets safer. It involves creativity and daring. But we are out here doing all of this work and it means nothing if our overfunded cops won’t even do their jobs when it comes to traffic enforcement. With Denim Dan Mayor Lurie announcing there’s a new way of doing business around here, maybe things will change.

He’s also the guy who opened up Market to cars after years of advocacy for a safer, better Market Street, so don’t get your hopes up.

As always, we protect us.