Photo of Stormy Daniels via Wikimedia Commons
by Fudgie Frottage
I am no stranger to the demimonde, so when I saw that Stormy Daniels was performing a comedy show at the Eagle SF, I grabbed two tickets faster than a premature ejaculation.
The show Unicorns in the Kitchen did not disappoint -- it is unscripted, uninhibited Stormy on a roll, spinning stories of her illustrious career from titty-bar newbie to porn star, film star, TV star, director, producer, Mom, equestrian and a national, NDA-nixing treasure.
Stormy has a strong, bubbly stage presence and her down-to-earth, Southern charm makes telling tales flow like hot syrup at a jam-packed Waffle House. Topics run the gamut from the challenges of raising a teenager; losing her dress during a vice squad raid at a strip club; to trying to watch porn to relax when she knows too much back story about every actor who pops up on the screen.
When talking about Donald Trump she said such gems as "Even if it was the worst 90 seconds of my life, it made me a household word” and "It was more forgettable than regrettable and yes, the only thing smaller than his penis is his IQ."
She also talked about her husband and agent, Barrett Blade who is also a prominent porn star, and joked that it doesn't help that he’s had sex with even more actors than she has. They tried watching amateur porn but the money shots were just too chump change.
Stormy and the crew at The Eagle SF
Stormy and her husband own a horse ranch in Florida and she enjoys all things equestrian. While a bullet-proof bra isn't traditional tack-wear, Stormy needed to protect herself back when the Trump scandal was flooding the news. Thankfully she survived the threats, stalkings, and harassment though she did admit that "they" killed one of her horses -- FDT.
The question and answer portion of the show was quite entertaining with querys like:
“What was the most heinous request you ever received from a client?” and “How small was it, really?”
When one person asked “In spite of what happened to you, would you do it again?” Stormy replied, "As much as I would hate to relive the incident and aftermath, yes, I would because I am a truth-seeker and I believe in justice.”
At one point Stormy confessed she gets nervous as hell speaking in front of an audience, and that it’s so much easier for her to hang upside down on a stripper pole, twerking to expose her perfectly bleached Hershey's highway. Yet she very successfully wove a web of entertaining, outrageous, and comedic stories into a captivating monologue that had the audience laughing and applauding throughout. Unfortunately, no cameras were allowed due to Stormy's upcoming show on HBO.
Don't miss Stormy Daniels, coming soon to a town near you.
