The Wild & Crazy Things Drunk People Forget in Bars

As either a server or a bartender, I’ve worked in the service industry my entire adult life. In fact, I still do so once a week since being a writer is obviously not where the money is at (this seems like a good place to ask you please join the BAS Patreon🙂).

Over the years I’ve found all manner of things left behind by hammered people and that got me thinking about all the weird stuff that other bar workers must find each night when the lights turn on and the drunks go home. So I put the word out via Facebook and Twitter and asked people what the craziest stuff they found was. The answers were pretty amazing. Below are the best. Feel free to leave your stories in the comments:

Devon: I found a jacket that had illegal drugs of some sort and a plan b pill.

At least they were using forethought since they weren’t using protection. Image via Wikimedia Commons.

Andrea: Cane/crutches. I guess alcohol heals all.

Brandon: One guy left his father in law at a bar I was working at. Guy was like 85 years old and didn’t have a cell phone. Son in law didn’t figure it out for 3 hours.

Monikka: Once we found a full bottle of Campral (anti-alcoholism medication). Another time we found the sole of a shoe (and someone actually called, asking for their sole [soul] back). We’ve found a dildo, whips… Just a few off the top of my head.

Captain Kirk would never leave his dildo behind in a bar.

Caitlin: A Russian hooker left behind her prosthetic leg. No joke. I’ve also had dentures, a micro-cassette recorder with some guys daily “journal”/notes to himself (not sure if his name was Herb, or the recorder’s; “must buy cat food; it’s on sale AND tasty”), a variety of clothing, including one apparatus that we determined could only be a “mirdle”, and a partially completed application for the Tinker’s Dam.

No seriously, how do you forget your LEG in a bar? Like how do you walk out of there?

Miki: PANTS.

Allison: Just last night, some guy left his paycheck at the bar … Still hasn’t returned for it and I’ve tried reaching out to him (unsuccessfully). Who doesn’t want to retrieve their paycheck?

Lynn: Baby carriage. Whip. Bunny mask. Lots of bad notebooks of lyrics. An accordion (which I tried to return unsuccessfully and am now forced to play myself). Merkin. Front teeth (false). A library cart. (Stuart’s note: I didn’t even know merkins still existed. You learn something everyday!)

Pubic wig seller, 1860 — “Serving the discerning pudendum since 1827” (Pudendum: a person’s external genitals, especially a woman’s. Image via Pictures from the Past

Nicole: Some girl shit her pants after drinking a bunch of Coors Light. She tried to stuff her shitty jeans in the sanitary bin in the wall next to the toilet paper dispenser. She was kind of successful…kind of. She also turned her longer shirt into a dress and proceeded to drop down and get her commando eagle on. If I shat my pants, I would go straight home. She did not.

Stephanie: A huge package that sat in the lost and found forever. We finally opened it and it was a GIANT bong.

Jacinto: While opening the bar at Tempest….. I saw smoke coming from the side door, I walked outside to find a pair of shitty pants lit on fire….. “Buenos Dias”

Sasha: Half-inch thick rubber ring – to increase erection (that’s what it said on the package) in a paper bag. This shame went right to the garbage. Although… I was a little confused.. the diameter of the ring was extremely small.

Gabriel: Some kid left a back pack at the bar my girl works. When they opened it up it had an ounce of weed and a pistol inside. The kid came back for it. I’m sure he was high on his own supply to have left that at a bar.