Fuck Valentine's Day
Instead of sitting at home and masturbating with your tears while thinking about your ex, why don’t you go out and do something for Valentine’s Day’s this year? No, I don’t mean surprising said ex and begging them to take you back, I mean doing something completely different than you did last year. Here are some suggestions:
Go get some FREE breakfast at Ikea. That is, if you can handle being there without thinking about that time you and your ex got in a fight over that $7 throw pillow (why is it that going to Ikea with your significant other almost guarantees a fight?).
Take said throw pillow to the 3rd annual Great San Francisco Pillow Fight and imagine that it’s your ex’s new flame who you’re knocking the stuffing out of. Go ahead and pretend those feathers floating around are his or her guts.
The when you’re finished with that you can take what’s left of the pillow to The Museum of Broken Relationships and see if they’ll let you donate it. Admission is sliding scale $2-20
Finally, when you wake up on Sunday the 15th, you should really sign up for some counseling. You seem pretty fucked up to me pal.