Best-ofMusicSan Francisco

Your Festival Girlfriend is Cooler Than All Your Previous Girlfriends

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This last weekend I attended Northern Nights Music Festival in Humboldt County. While there I met some of the coolest people and saw some of the most epic bands. On Sunday evening I had an epiphany, that night realized that festival girlfriends are way better than real girlfriends.

Festivals generally run 3 days and have music every night, sometimes until the sun comes up. Your festival girlfriend never wants to stay at home and watch tv. Sometimes your festival girlfriend has more energy than you and wants to watch the festival sun come up every morning.

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Your phones don’t work, so your festival girlfriend doesn’t expect you to text or call her. You’ll talk when you see her next. You make plans to meet at the river stage after breakfast. That’s not an exact time, but neither of you care. You’re excited when you see them and you never consider them late.

If you take your festival girlfriend out to dinner she likes all the choices the festival has to offer. You walk the row of food trucks and see options like vegetarian, burgers, pizza, and Greek. You order 2 gyros and drink whiskey from a flask. She’s happy and full and it only cost you 20bucks. Cheapest date you’ve ever been on, so you’re happy too.

Your festival girlfriend is low maintenance, she sleeps in a tent and showers in the river. The glitter she applied on Friday will last for most of Saturday, in the evening she may apply more. She brought an outfit for each night and she lets you accessorize with items she isn’t planning on using.

Festivals are filled with love and happiness. Jealousy isn’t something you will encounter. Your festival girlfriend dances with you and gives hugs and kisses to all the beautiful people around you. The people you meet think she’s the coolest person they’ve met. When they tell you, you say, “I know!”

You never have to break up with your festival girlfriend. You talk about the next festivals you will attend and the previous ones you’ve been to. She doesn’t ask you about your last festival girlfriend and you don’t ask her about her festival boyfriends. On the last day of the festival, you tell her how amazing she is and that you hope to see her again. You are still friends and your friends can still hang out with her friends. You’ll also never forget all the amazing bands you saw together at Northern Nights Music Festival. She liked Jai Wolf best, and you liked Cherub, but Living Legends, G Jones, Big Wild, Nombe, Justin Jay, Lucky 3.0, Naughty Princess, JOYZU, and Starfari and all the other bands were amazing.

I hope to see you at Northern Nights Music Festival 2018. Maybe we can date for 3 days?

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Stefan Aronsen

Stefan Aronsen

I do not sing, play the drums, clarinet, guitar, piano or harmonic ... but I have tried! My passion for music began when I was still a pre-teen begging my parents for my first drum set. After a year’s worth of lessons, it was clear that I wasn’t very good at drums. So I moved on, joined the school band, and tried my hand at the clarinet. Again after a year’s worth of lessons and hard work I was without much skill. This continued through elementary school and into college with voice lessons, guitar lessons and finally piano. It turns out that while I could recognize good music; I lacked the talent to make it.

Now I'm broke, beautiful and writing about music for Stuart...

1 Comment

  1. Adam Klyce
    July 24, 2017 at 11:27 am

    Great article, thanks for this!