Things To Do While All the Dummies Are At Burning Man

The Bay's best newsletter for underground events & news

Are you like, so bummed right now?  Are you like, totally suffering from Playa f.o.m.o bro?  Are your coworkers like, sky diving into Black Rock City right now, wearing like, disco titty clamps and GoPros and shit?  Fuck bro, that would be so rad right now, but you’re not at Burning Man you’re stuck at home…

The word ‘concierge’ and ‘Burning Man’ should never appear in the same sentence…but here we are.

Luckily, I’ve got good news for you.  First thing is, last year was the last good year at Burning Man, so don’t trip, you should have heard by now that Burning Man totally sold-out the year after I stopped going.  Secondly, everybody is out of town this weekend.  Yeah a lot of wonderful freaks are in the desert, so the there’s a lack of dance parties and burlesque happening for example, but San Francisco has no shortage of weird, there’s still plenty to go around.

Late August is official vacation time in the bay area, even the dummies in silicon valley have stopped working.  So that means parking will be less awful, dinner reservations will be more available, brunch lines less nauseating, yoga classes half empty, local hiking trails and parks less full etc etc.  If there was ever a weekend to do things that are normally TOO crowded with locals, this is the weekend.  Here’s a big old list of fun, mostly free, outdoorsy things to do in SF & OAK with your non-burner friends, but also think about that thing you always wanted to do, but it was always way too full to do.  Do that, this weekend.  And I’ll see yas out there!

Kiosk Fest San Francisco

Market Street Newsstands Taken Over By Artists For Weekend Pop-Up Festival

San Francisco, CA: The green newspaper kiosks dotting Market Street will swing open for Kiosk Fest, a weekend-long celebration of the printed word, to be held on September 1-2 from 10a-6p. The curated indie festival pulls together popular booksellers, printing presses, magazine publishers, zine distros and local writers to run their own pop-up shops, with books and art prints for sale, poetry readings, workshops, live music, and even a downtown scavenger hunt.

Saturday & Sunday
September 1-2 from 10a-6p
Market St. SF

San Francisco Mime Troupe presents: WALLS

Weird, entertaining, and a brilliant excuse to drink in Dolores Park.

Sept. 3rd & 4th
Mission Dolores Park, San Francisco
Music at 1:30 and performance at 2:00

Facebook event

Tom Gun Live at DNA Lounge

These guys are genuinely fucking hilarious. Point Break live was legendary


It’s Tom Cruise’s birthday party, and to celebrate he has invited (you) his fans to come witness him, live on stage, reprising his iconic role as Maverick in the jet-piloting classic Top Gun. But, not to be biased, he also wants to give the attendees a taste of his other most remembered characters/scenes. It’s his way of saying thanks for the years of support. All he asks, is that you come to the party dressed as your favorie character he has portrayed. Only, Tom is coming in on a flight and it’s running late. He’s certain he is going to make it, but in the meantime he needs the fans to help and fill in for him until he arrives.

This go-round we are amping up the interaction to “The Danger Zone.” Instead of one person chosen from the audience to play the lead role there will be six Tom Cruise fanatics chosen from the crowd with a chance to show some well deserved respect to this legend of the screen.

Show runs Friday October 1 – November 3
@DNA Lounge, SF


Aloha Poly Fest

For those of you thinking ‘poly was for polyamorous, I apologize, it stands for  polyNESIAN

The Pacific Islands multi-cultural event welcoming the general public to celebrate and learn about the rich, diverse cultures and traditions of Hawaii, Samoa, Tonga, Fiji, Tahiti, New Zealand, Cook Islands and Guam. Live Entertainment, Crafts & Souvenir Booths, Raffles & Giveaways, Food, and Kids Korner featuring face painting, games and activities for the young ones.

Saturday Sept 2
1155 – 9th Avenue and Lincoln Way
Gold Gate Park

Free Shakespeare in the Park: Hamlet

Bring a blanket and enjoy an outdoor performance of a beloved favorite. This year the SF Shakespeare Festival celebrates 35 years of free and accessible Shakespeare performances and presents Hamlet for the first time. Set in Denmark in 1559, the play dramatizes the revenge Prince Hamlet is called to wreak upon his uncle, Claudius, by the ghost of Hamlet’s father, King Hamlet. Claudius had murdered his own brother and seized the throne, also marrying Gertrude, his deceased brother’s widow.

Civil War Parade Ground, Main Post
San Francisco, California 94129
September 2

47th Millbrae Art & Wine Festival, The Last Blast of Summer

If you happen to be in Milbrae…there’s a “Mardi Gras-style celebration featuring two sun-splashed days of live music on stage and street throughout downtown, a juried show with 250 professional artists and craftmakers showing their latest handcrafted wares, fabulous food and drink with premium wine, refreshing sangria, tasty seasonal craft beer, fresh-fruit margaritas”

September 2 – September 3
Sep 2 at 10 AM to Sep 3 at 5 PM
400 Broadway (One Block West of El Camino Real), Millbrae
Facebook event

San Francisco Zine Fest

“Northern California’s oldest and largest DIY publishing festival”

The 16th annual festival on Labor Day Weekend 2017, at the County Fair Building in Golden Gate Park. “Founded in 2001, San Francisco Zine Fest seeks to advance the do-it-yourself ethos by fostering community throughout the Bay Area. In our annual weekend-long festival and its accompanying panels and workshops, we celebrate and support independent writers, artists and creators, allowing them to share their work with an ever-growing audience in exhibitions and public events.”

Sunday Sept 3rd
County Fair building Golden Gate Park
1155 – 9th Avenue and Lincoln Way


15th Annual Cowgirl Palooza Labor Day Party | El Rio

Come thirsty for beer and drink specials, and hungry for CHEAP BBQ until it runs out. And lastly, come prepared to hear some of The Bay’s best country playn’ darlins. Come in your rhinstone studded, gingham, beadazzled & tassled shirts, polish up your boots and dust off your hats! Oh… and lassos and ponies encouraged.

Doors @ 3 / Show @ 4 ON THE PATIO
$10 21+ CHEAP BBQ While it lasts….
Facebook event


Oakland First Fridays Block Party

celebrating the arts, creativity, food, the entrepreneurial spirit, cultural investment, growth and innovation.

It’s a big ol street party, lots of food, music, art, booze and diversity in downtown Oakland.  It’s cool.

Friday Sept 1
On Telegraph Ave. from W. Grand to 27th St.
5pm – 9:00 pm
Oakland, California

First Caturday Oakland at Lake Merritt

Friends of Caturday ???.  First Caturday is a day to reclaim the glory of the outdoors for our feline friends! ? ??
It is a day for delightful outdoor cat-napping and socializing. ??
It is where we can freely exchange information, friendship, and joy to help make our cats happy and healthy. ?❤️?
Some cats actually like leash walks, others stroller walks, and still others just to come to the park in their pet carriers to listen to the birds singing ??

Saturday at 1:30 PM – 4:30 PM
Lakeside Park, Lake Merrit Oakland

Facebook Event

Puff, Pass & Paint Bay Area

420-friendly Puff, Pass & Paint class…it’s exactly how it sounds, read all about it here.

Saturday at 10 PM – 12 AM
Oakland Cannabis Creative
2607 Mandela Parkway, Oakland, California 94607

6th Annual Heiro Day 

Hiero Day is an amazing all day hip-hop extravaganza that happens in Oakland. Put on by legendary Oakland rappers Hieroglyphics, Hiero Day 2017 features performances and music by over 50 legendary, underground & undiscovered artists. DJ, Emcees, Vocalists and more share three stages in one day in Oakland, California. The lineup includes Dead Prez, Bun B, Del & Amplive, DJ Quik, Goapele, Lil B, Toro y Moi, and WAY more.

Monday September 4th, 11am -7pm
18th & Poplar Sts., West Oakland

Oakland 7-Mile Hiking Tour on Labor Day

Hike from Oakland’s Dimond District up to Joaquin Miller Park, where we’ll catch AC Transit 339 for a ten-minute bus ride back down to Dimond. This beautiful hike will go through Oakland’s Dimond Canyon and Joaquin Miller Park, and will finish with a spectacular view of San Francisco Bay. Hikers may choose to catch earlier buses at miles 4 and 5, though the hiking tour leaders will complete the 7-mile hike.

When: Monday, September 4th at 8:30am (the group will leave promptly at 8:40am)

Where: Meet at La Farine Bakery: 3411 Fruitvale Ave, Oakland, CA 94602 – free parking in back

Details: Steady, 7-mile hike in Oakland’s largest wildland trail system, with some steep uphills and downhills, and narrow trails through the canyons. Bring water, sturdy shoes, and bus fare ($2.25).

More info

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managing editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. I enjoy covering Bay Area News as well as writing about Arts, Culture & Nightlife.

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1 Comment

  1. No_Diggity
    August 31, 2017 at 11:03 am

    There will be a distinct lack of white people with dreads, an increase in available parking spots and fewer STDs being transmitted in San Francisco.