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New Warrior Arena Reportedly ‘NOT’ a New Death Star in Mission Bay

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There is new intelligence concerning the 1$ billion dollar arena being built in San Francisco’s Mission Bay, these plans were taken at great cost to brokeassstuart.com, meaning this reporter had to get off his bike, walk into an ‘exit only’ gate, and take a couple pictures before being asked to leave by an annoyed construction worker.

The new arena in mission bay 7/30/2018

The new “Chase Center”, being built to host the “Warriors Basketball team” is set to be operational in time for the 2019-2020 NBA season.  We’ve been assured by representatives of the Warriors that this new monstrosity is NOT a new Space Station built for the purpose of destroying the rebel planet of Alteraan, (in collusion with Chase Bank and other billion dollar corporations).  But when you look at the side by side comparison with the construction site and the plans for the Empire’s new space station, the similarities are uncanny:

We see what you’re doing…

The new galactic superweapon, I mean “Basketball Arena”, follows in the footsteps of Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara in that it was privately financed, meaning it did not require massive amounts of taxpayer money to get built.  As it turns out, Bay Area voters are a bit too smart to allow billionaire team owners to pass the cost for a new stadium to the taxpayer.  Which is usually how the stadium building process goes in America, for example, the new NFL stadium in Atlanta cost its taxpayers 700 million dollars.  Ironically, the “crazy socialists” in San Francisco say ‘no’ to publically financing new arenas, while the so-called ‘conservative, capitalist southerners’ in Georgia used public money to build their new stadium.

Warrior Arena from the Bay Side perspective

Chase Arena (once again, NOT a New Death Star) is being financed in part by getting corporations to buy it’s luxury suites priced at a staggering $2.25 million a year, (the low-end suites are $1.3 million annually).  To put things in perspective these new suites will be the most expensive of any arena in America.  Second place goes to Madison Square Garden, whose most expensive suites cost $2 million a year.  It is nice to know that we are still beating New York in three key areas; Average Rent Costs, Luxury Corporate Suite Costs, and the number of naked people in the streets on any given day.

Wikimedia Commons

If we look past the loss of another team, thousands of jobs, and significant tax money to Oakland, the biggest concern to most San Franciscans and especially SOMA, Mission Bay, and Dog Patch residents is the guaranteed influx of traffic congestion.  People working near Giants Stadium already have the schedule of AT&T Park hanging on their walls, and it’s not because they necessarily give a damn about Giant’s baseball, it’s so they know when home games happen and traffic will be unbearable.  Now, since baseball is a summer sport and basketball is a winter sport, Mission Bay can look forward to year-round gridlock traffic.  To alleviate concerns, Warriors made a 140-page ‘Transportation Management Plan’ back in 2015 that involved a raised muni platform and a new ferry terminal, but both of those projects are not even close to being started, will cost the taxpayers tens of millions of dollars to complete, and even if they were finished in time it’s doubtful they would help traffic much.

This is how far along the proposed new ferry terminal at Chase Arena is.

The scariest effect of the new arena traffic congestion is its proximity to the children’s hospital in Mission Bay.  Thinking of an ambulance trying to get a child to the emergency room while an army of gridlocked Tesla’s and Land Rovers inch around the block looking for parking, is a bit devastating.  There are going to be quite a few more babies being born in the streets of Mission Bay while stuck in traffic, maybe we’ll call these babies ‘Warrior Babies’, and Chase can pick up the maternity costs?

This is the general area that the new arena will be, we marked it on the map in blue.

We’ve heard rumors that there’s going to be a back entrance to the arena, via a small thermal exhaust port right below the main port, just wide enough for a single ambulance to get through…but don’t hold your breath.

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managin' editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. When we're not writing, editing, or publishing articles, Stuart and I are promoting the good things in SF & NYC.

If you're a writer, artist, or performer who would like to get your work seen by our audience, or if you're a cool business and would like us to introduce you to our 120k social followers in a creative and engaging way, contact me at alex@brokeassstuart.com.