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Russian Consulate Reopens inside SF Facebook Building

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Facebook is celebrating moving into yet another luxury office building downtown San Francisco in 2019. Facebook’s Instagram division already spent $35 Million to lease 37 stories of the luxury high-rise at 181 Fremont St. The Facebook & Instagram hi-rise is one of very few towers with exclusive bridge access to the new Transit Center ‘public’ park.  Facebook has also leased most of the floors in the nearby Park Tower at 250 Howard st.  But they are not alone in their new luxury accommodations, the San Francisco Russian Consulate already owns several floors inside the tower.

The Salesforce and Facebook SF towers.

“This where we have party”,  said Boris Petrov, pointing at the Transit Center park.  “This park, for Boris & the Facebook.” Boris is an engineer at the new Russian Consulate in San Francisco, who currently occupy the Penthouse at 181 Fremont, reportedly the most expensive penthouse in the history of San Fransico, at $42 Million dollars. “We have nothing to do with Facebook,” Boris said with a wink, “also we do not have KGB office in boiler room, this is also hashtag fake news.”

In September of 2017 black smoke was seen rising from the Russian Consulate in San Francisco after the US Government ordered it to be closed.  When firefighters showed up to address the smoke, the Russians turned them away, stating that they were  “burning unidentified items in a fireplace”.

We tried to ask Boris more questions about Russia’s interests in American Social media but Russian spokesperson Natalya Simonova, who called herself the ‘building manager’ interrupted us.  When asked if Russia had any involvement in the hundreds of fake facebook and Instagram accounts that helped influence the 2016 Presidential election, Natalya said, “we do not control Mr. Zuckerberg or Mr. Trump.”  Then she paused and added coldly, “hashtag no collusion.”

We messaged Facebook for comment, but got an automated response written in Russian.

Facebook & Instagram leased 33 floors of the new Park Tower at 250 Howard,

This article may sound a bit crazy, and that’s because it is.  We made up the part about the Russian consulate, as well as Boris & Natalya for April Fools Day.   But Facebook/Instagram have in fact leased some 70 floors around the Transit Center, for thousands of employees in the two most expensive buildings in San Francisco, that part is all true.  They join Salesforce in carving out a patch of silicon valley in the middle of downtown San Francisco.  The new Transbay Park was billed as a public park, but it’s clear from those who named it, and occupy it, that it’s really just a Silicon Valley-style campus and playground for tech elites.  The park is still closed due to construction incompetence, but when it opens it will largely be used as a convention and networking space for the corporations that surround it.

Happy April Fools Day San Francisco

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managin' editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. When we're not writing, editing, or publishing articles, Stuart and I are promoting the good things in SF & NYC.

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