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Salesforce to Paint Golden Gate Bridge Blue For Dreamforce Conference

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Every September downtown San Francisco is completely overrun by Salesforce’s giant Dreamforce conference. Thousands of people come from around the world to do whatever it is that people do at Dreamforce, while the city’s already hellish traffic is made considerably worse by the closing down of streets near Moscone Center.

If you think that’s bad, you’re gonna pull out your hair this year when you see the Golden Gate Bridge painted “Salesforce Blue”. That’s right, in a press release sent out this morning, Salesforce announced that its has secured the rights to paint the world’s most famous bridge their own signature color for their yearly tech conference.

When we reached out to Salesforce, their spokesperson, Joseph Azul gleefully touted the partnership saying “Salesforce and San Francisco love each other. It’s a symbiotic relationship. We give San Francisco lots of money and they let us do pretty much anything we want. Just look at the skyline! Without Salesforce, San Francisco wouldn’t have the second tallest building this side of the Mississippi.”

This was in reference to the Salesforce Tower, San Francisco’s newest skyscraper that kinda looks like a buttplug.

The Salesforce tower has been affectionately nicknamed “The Buttplug” buy residents of the Bay Area.

Jennifer Azraq, spokesperson for the Golden Gate Bridge, Highway and Transportation District, the agency in charge of the bridge, responded to our inquires saying, “We thought long and hard about whether we’d allow Salesforce to paint the bridge blue. But Marc Benioff gave us a lot of money – and I mean A LOT – and that swayed our decision. The good news is that it’s benefiting everyone. Because of this sponsorship, we’re only only gonna raise the bridge toll to $15 this year instead of the proposed $15.25. Everybody wins!”

San Franciscans are understandably upset.

Louis Arancia, a North Beach native, was fuming when he told us, “This is despicable! I can’t believe San Francisco has come to this. It’s been bad enough seeing my home get overrun by entitled Techies, but letting them turn our most famous landmark into a branding opportunity…well that’s just a spit in the face.

We here at Broke-Ass Stuart just have this to say about the controversy:

April Fools!!

 

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website BrokeAssStuart.com is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, Geek.com and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.