ActivismComedyNew YorkNewsPoliticsSan Francisco

Trump to Honor Bone Spur Survivors on Memorial Day

Sign up for the best newsletter EVER!

President Donald Trump’s upcoming Memorial Day Speech is said to be honoring the ‘brave men and women who survived their bone spurs’.


“Today we honor the brave men and woman afflicted with bone spurs and flat feet in our great country.”


“I’m talking about the John Waynes and Bill Clintons of the world, the Dick Cheyneys and Rush Limbaughs, all fine men who loved to talk about going to war, but when the time came to serve they were brave enough not to go.”

Trump famously got out of the Vietnam draft when he paid a doctor to say he had a ‘bone spur’.

Just like John Wayne playing a soldier in every war movie for decades, I too played my part on TV.  Showing America what a real American CEO does, on a game show, with other brave Americans like Meatloaf, and Gary Busey, putting their showbusiness lives on the line for the American spectator every Thursday night during primetime, those were great ratings, let me tell you.”

“To the patriots who put their feet up and said, ‘ my Dad doesn’t want me to go’, I declare a new tax to help support rich white men afflicted with bone spurs during times of war across our great country and for all future wars I might start.”

This article may be satire, we did make up all the quotes.  But the facts of the matter all true.  Our President dodged the draft 5 times, which most people would easily forgive if he hadn’t ridiculed war heroes for their service, and claimed he served his country by ‘working hard’ and ‘creating jobs’.  The reality is that Trump destroyed tens of thousands of jobs, he lost more money than any other businessman in American from 1985-1995, defaulting on loans and cratering dozens of businesses.  His career only rebounded when he began playing a successful businessman on TV.

Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

Artist Makes Trump Toilet Brushes, Finally

Next post

Dave Chappelle Joins SF Comics, Sup. Peskin To Save the SF Punch Line


Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managin' editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. When we're not writing, editing, or publishing articles, Stuart and I are promoting the good things in SF & NYC.

If you're a writer, artist, or performer who would like to get your work seen by our audience, or if you're a cool business and would like us to introduce you to our 120k social followers in a creative and engaging way, contact me at alex@brokeassstuart.com.