New ShitNewsPressSan Francisco

Salesforce Tower ‘Steam’ Raises Alarms on 9/11

Sign up for the best newsletter EVER!

SF skyline, the morning of 9/11/19.  Photo Anthony Maes.

Some call it the Salesforce Tower, some call the Eye of Sauron, some call it Benioff’s Butt Plug, but the building’s owner and landlord is actually Boston Properties.  And that’s who was answering frantic calls on the morning of 9/11, when San Franciscans began to notice that the Salesforce building, looked like it was on fire.

Helen Han, a spokesperson for Boston Properties, told reporters that the “condensation was from the start-up process of the building systems.” Almost like a freshly used buttplug, steaming in the morning.  “This happens regularly and whether you can see it depends on how clear the morning is,” Han added.

Nothing weird about a sky scrapper that looks like it’s on fire when you turn on the lights…right?  Explanation as to why their building is so weird, were not forthcoming.  Meanwhile the poor SOMA fire department had to respond to 911 calls as if it were a real fire, on top of a skyscraper, on 911.  ABC news reported, “#SFFD responded a full 1 st alarm assignment – Our Crews along with Salesforce building management were able to quickly determine that this was steam venting only. This incident is resolved. Thank you to the alert public who called 911 to report.”

On the morning of 9/11, SF Fire Station 5 holds a ‘9/11 remembrance’ ceremony every year, with the entire SF command staff.  Can you image, having to respond to a call like that, on the morning of a 9/11 remembrance?

On Saturday, there was a charity run up the stairs and to the top of the Salesforce Tower, to raise money for first responders.  Firemen and police officers literally sprinted up the Tower in full gear, as if to practice saving lives for real, in the event of a serious attack.  They practiced a 9/11 type response scenario, in the steamy Eye of Sauron.

How about next year you belch your tower on a different morning, eh Benioff?  I think our firemen and our citizens have enough on their minds, especially on 9/11.


Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

We wanna send you and a friend to see Blackalicious!

Next post


Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managin' editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. I enjoy covering Bay Area News as well as writing about Arts, Culture & Nightlife.

When we're not writing, editing, or publishing articles, Stuart and I are promoting the good things in SF & NYC.

If you're a writer, artist, or performer who would like to get your work seen by our audience, or if you're a cool business and would like us to introduce you to our 120k social followers in a creative and engaging way, contact me at

No Comment

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *