ActivismComedy

13 Bafflingly Gendered Products that Make No Sense

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by Kate Brunotts

Shopping for razors is especially difficult when you have to decide between being a froofy little girl or a brooding alpha male. I know it’s hard to believe, but it turns out that the blue and pink razors are largely the same outside of their color and packaging differences (and sometimes pricing). Here are 13 other ridiculously gendered products to add to the sentiment. 

1. Pickles

This one is pretty hard to believe. As an adamant pickle hater in general, I can’t imagine there being such a large market for pickles that there’s demand for “his” and “hers” versions. Rest assured, I won’t be caught with either of these oddly-marketed products.

2. Pacifiers

God forbid little Joey feeling emasculated! I love how these pacifiers subtly imply that girls who act out are being “dramatic” while bad boys still get the cool guy schtick even when being naughty. 

3. Bread

Gendered bread has got to be the best thing since sliced bread! Keep it cute ladies, you’re only allowed to indulge in bread with small, low-calorie grains. 

4. Toothpaste

Ah, yes. It’s not like men and women have the same teeth or anything. Better make sure we’re creating an appropriately gendered toothpaste so they don’t hurt their soft, feminine woman-teeth on our alpha-paste. 

5. Tissues

Because if you’re going to give up your fragile masculinity anyway by shedding tears, you might as well go out in style! If the only difference is that these are slightly bigger than the normal tissue, why not save the extra dollar and get a paper towel roll instead? 

6. Laxatives

This just seems wasteful. If I’m having trouble on the toilet to the point of needing laxatives, the last thing I’m thinking about was whether or not my soft gels were coated in a cute white and red pattern. 

7. Candles

How dare a man enjoy the scent of anything besides whiskey, tobacco, cedar or musk! If it’s not WOOD or ON FIRE or BITTER how could a man enjoy it??

Last time I checked, female and male sniffers are pretty similar. 

 

8. Globes

Yes, ladies! You can conquer the world, but only if it’s pink. I hope no one misinterprets the pink continents as part of a heat map, but I honestly wouldn’t be super surprised by our lack of respect for global warming. 

9. Bibles

Wow, I mean, I’m a constantly flopping agnostic/atheist so don’t ask me, but I’m pretty sure God didn’t assign girls with sparkly pink glitter and boys with swords and a quest. 

10. Tool Kits

Women are meant to stay in the house anyway, so it’s best you specify these are for the home in case she gets any crazy ideas and tries to use these on an outside contracting job. The hot pink is highly visible though. I can’t ding them there.

11. Cotton Swabs

Don’t you dare try using a lady’s Q-tip, or a good old cotton swab. As far as I’m concerned, the only swab a real man should be using is an “Ultimate Multi-tool”. Also, who the hell is using these for building? Building WHAT???

12. Sunscreen

Only men deserve to be triple-protected from skin cancer. In their defense, women statistically live 6 to 8 years longer than men, so maybe Banana Boat was trying to even out the gap. 

13. Children’s Books

Genius. Girls should know that their only worth is in their perceived beauty. 

Bonus: WTF Amazon

That’s right, boys, step right up for your manly egg and clean-cut sheets. I don’t know how this made it through Amazon’s vetting system, but the meme is pretty fantastic. 

In all seriousness, gendering products affects us all negatively. Not only does gendering merchandise make products (usually those geared towards females) more expensive, but it also reinforces the idea that because we have different anatomical parts, we must behave and act radically different from an early age. 

On a lighter note, I always feel bad trying to buy my boyfriend or brother gifts. Walk into any gift section geared towards men and you’ll see exactly what I’m saying. I mean, how many shaving kits, socks, and shitty shot glasses could one person possibly need? 

Clearly, society has some catching up to do. As much as I like pink, I’ll go out of my way to buy more gender-neutral products and usually save some money in the process. Vote with your dollar the next time you find yourself roaming around Target.

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