Eat & Drink

8 Things That Are NOT Your Server’s Fault

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We live in a world where everyone wants to place blame on someone else so they know who to take out their frustrations on. The next time you go out to eat in a restaurant these are the things that are not your server’s fault, so stop blaming them.

How long food takes to prepare. Unless the server forgot to send the order to the kitchen, the length of time it takes to prepare a well-done steak or roast a chicken breast has nothing to do with the person who took the order. If you want that piece of chicken in a hurry, be prepared for it to come with a complimentary salmonella. A crowded restaurant is another indicator that the food might be taking a bit longer than you’d like it to, but don’t fault the server. They want you in and out as quickly as possible so they can make more money. Blame all the other diners who decided to eat out at the exact same time you did.

Bugs on the patio. When you choose to dine outside, there are elements you’ll have to deal with that are 100% out of the control of your server or anyone else. If the trill of crickets or the occasional fly in the ointment soup is an issue, dining al fresco is not a viable option. Don’t blame your server, blame yourself because when you are outside, you are a guest in the home of bugs. Its where they live.

Weather on the patio. If it’s too windy, too cold, too hot, too sunny, too rainy, or too anything to do with weather, file a complaint with Mother Nature.

Menu changes. Seasons change, minds change, and our clocks change twice a year. Menus also change and your server found out about the double-chocolate-brownie-bottom-molasses-moonpie being taken off the menu they same way you did: someone told them. Don’t blame your server. The only ones to blame for that change are all the people who had the good sense to not order that lame-ass dessert making its very existence pointless.

Coke or Pepsi. Typically, each cola brand prefers to be exclusive to a restaurant and restaurants only want to have one so they don’t have to stock two different brands. Deal with it. When a server has to ask, “Is Pepsi okay?” just answer yes or no. Eye-rolling, heavy sighs and audible disgust isn’t going to change anything. Your server didn’t make that cola decision and your server doesn’t care if you are forced to drink your non-preferred beverage of choice. Suck it up and drink some water.

Menu prices. If your server had anything to do with how much an order of fried calamari costs, your server wouldn’t be your server, they’d be the owner. A restaurant is not a flea market where you get to haggle over the price of a hamburger. The prices are there for you to make a decision about whether or not you think it’s worth it. Don’t blame the server and then punish them by taking money off the tip to make up for what you think something should cost.

The volume in a restaurant. Need a quiet, intimate dinner for two? Well, don’t go to family-friendly restaurant that has more televisions than servers and don’t go on a Saturday night at 7:00. It’s going to be loud. Is there a wailing child sitting too close to you? That’s not your server’s fault either, it’s the fault of those parents. You can’t expect your server to go to every single customer and shhh them because you think they are being too loud. Eat at home or get some ear plugs.

Lack of parking. No amount of complaining or placing blame is going to magically create asphalt for you to park your car on. Besides, your server probably has the same issue and is looking for someone to blame too. Take an Uber next time. That’ll let you eliminate the parking chaos and drink more, so it’s a win-win.

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Bitchy Waiter

Bitchy Waiter

Darron Cardosa is a writer, actor, singer, and waiter. He lives and and works in New York City and enjoys "The Brady Bunch," "The Facts of Life" and cocktails almost as much as he hates your baby.