Man Can’t Remember Bitcoin Password; Finds he has $42 in Vapor Room Loyalty Points
This is a satirical article. It’s also supported by Vapor Room. Read it. It’s pretty funny. Want to support an article about your business on the site? Holler at Alex@BrokeAssStuart.com
A San Francisco man who couldn’t remember the password to his old bitcoin wallet containing millions, came upon another stark realization that instantly turned his day around.
After just a few visits to Vapor Room, one of San Francisco’s longest running cannabis dispensaries, located at 79 9th Street, Thurgood Jenkins unknowingly accrued $42 in loyalty points. Details of his transaction history are protected by the dispensary’s privacy policy, but the $42 roughly accounts for 5% cash back on purchases of flower, preroll, concentrates, edibles, and topicals. Items such as Sherbinski Acaiberry Gelato, Kanha Tranquility Gummies, Rose Delights, OM Bath Salts, and sun grown flower from Moon Made Farms according to his Instagram profile.
Vapor Room Loyalty Points, also known as “VRoomCoins” on the dank web are earned or mined through the everyday act of buying and smoking cannabis for therapeutic or recreational purposes. No complicated hardware or technical knowhow is required. Only an endocannabinoid system, which apparently everyone has these days.
“Martin’s been selling me weed for years. Ever since I moved to the city way back.” Mr. Jenkins said in a Zoom interview Thursday, referring to Martin Olive, owner of the small SF pot shop. “I used to go to the Vapor Room back when it was in the Haight. I’d sit down at a Volcano and just read comics all day. For us stoners, it was like our community living room. Neutral territory for weed lovers. Like Switzerland or some shit.”
After spending hours agonizing over the loss of the password to his old bitcoin wallet, now forever locked away in an outdated gaming PC, Mr. Jenkins decided to abandon his quest at fortune and visit Vapor Room to catch a nice buzz.
“It was like I won the weed lottery when Andy told me I had $42 in store credit. After futzing with that computer for a few hours, I needed a solid win… and some of the city’s finest cheeba. I went home with both that day.”
A witness who came forth, only identified as Chon, had these statements to make: “That guy smokes a lot of weed. And he knows good herb. He may not be able to remember old passwords because of it, but he’s a good dude.”
If you’d like to learn more about mining Vapor Room Loyalty Points or are looking to acquire some of the city’s finest cheeba, visit the Vapor Room at 79 9th Street in the West SOMA neighborhood. They’re open everyday from Noon to 8pm for in store visits, or order online for pickup or delivery at VaporRoom.com.
Who knows, you may have loyalty points waiting for you!
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