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10 Things Restaurant Customers Need To Stop Doing Immediately

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Shout it from the mountaintops! Alert the news media! There are some things that restaurant customers need to stop doing right this very minute if restaurant workers are to retain their very last shreds of sanity. Some of these behaviors are subtle and some of them are as obvious as a dark brown short and curly hair floating in a bowl of potato soup. Whatever the case may be, customers need to STOP DOING THESE THINGS:

Asking the server what the restaurant has

The restaurant has a menu. Use it. If you want to know what beers are on tap or what kinds of salads are offered, read the menu. Whether it’s an actual menu or a digital one, its purpose is the same.

Sitting at dirty tables

If you find yourself at a booth that still has the used dishes and the remnants of someone else’s meal, you probably either ignored the host or ignored the sign that said “Please Wait To Be Seated.” Stop it.

Touching the staff

Keep your filthy paws off your server. No matter how badly you need another side of Ranch dressing, there is never a reason to physically touch your server. Use your words, not your hands.

Asking for a million dollars

When your server wants to know if there’s anything else you need, keep the jokes yourself. Asking for the lottery numbers isn’t funny either. Oh, and when they give you the check you don’t need to say, “Hey, I didn’t ask for that.” You’re not a comedian.

Getting upset that the restaurant has Pepsi

What are, you five years old? If you can “only drink Coke,” have yourself a glass of water and deal with it.

Stuffing your dirty napkins into your empty glass

We know you’re just trying to help, but who do you think has to cram their hand into that glass to pull out that soggy napkin? It’s gross and it’s your fault.

Asking your server what their real job is

This is their real job. They pay their real bills and their real taxes from this job, so that officially makes it a “real job.”

Talking with your mouth full

Servers aren’t intentionally waiting until you shove a handful of fries into your pie hole to approach your table to check on you, but it happens. Swallow your food and then talk or hold a napkin in front of your mouth. Manners matter.

Touching a hot plate after you’ve been told it’s a hot plate

If you touch the hot plate directly after being told to not touch the hot plate, your server has every right to laugh loudly in your face.

Camping

Eat and get out. When you’re done eating, your lease for that table is up. The server and the restaurant are losing money if the table can’t be seated again. If you need to “catch up” or let your food digest, find a bench somewhere or do it in your car as you drive away.

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Bitchy Waiter

Bitchy Waiter

Darron Cardosa is a writer, actor, singer, and waiter. He lives and and works in New York City and enjoys "The Brady Bunch," "The Facts of Life" and cocktails almost as much as he hates your baby.