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How Elon Musk Buying Twitter May Affect San Francisco

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Photo of Twitter Headquarters in San Francisco. Image courtesy of Runner1928

So, unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have heard about Elon Musk’s recent purchase of Twitter. If you haven’t heard, allow me to loop you in: Elon Musk, the dude who had a baby with Grimes and named it something absurd, now owns Twitter. You’re probably wondering why I didn’t mention the fact that he owns Tesla or Space X. Well, I don’t own a Tesla, nor do I see myself going to space any time soon, but I do like a few Grimes songs, so, as a result of that, he is the dude who had a baby with Grimes in my book.

There’s no doubt that Musk’s acquisition of Twitter will change the social media landscape on the internet, but there has been little discussion about how it will change San Francisco. There are a few likely scenarios that could take place now that Grimes’ baby daddy runs the most pointless social media site in the world.

He moves Twitter to Texas

This is actually something I want to happen. Elon has moved Tesla out of the Bay Area to Austin, TX. What’s to stop him from doing the same to Twitter? While this may make city leaders nervous, it would at least be a symbolic victory to people who think tech has had a negative impact on the city. It may inspire other companies to follow suit, which would be great. Why the fuck does every tech company need to be in San Francisco? They don’t. People in the Bay don’t even want tech here. Texas loves rich guys who awkwardly pretend to be alpha males. Elon was practically made for Texas. Save a tweet, ride a cowboy.., or something.

He makes Twitter employees return to office

Twitter was one of the first companies to adopt a work from home policy early in the pandemic. It was later announced that Twitter would allow employees to work from home permanently. However, this was back when the nose ring king Jack Dorsey was CEO, now it’s Musk and his incredibly natural hairline. But Musk and his hairline have expressed doubts about the viability of remote work. This is probably what London Breed wants. If Elon forces Twitter workers back into the office, there will be more dudes with Macbooks walking around Market Street getting mugged. San Francisco is saved. We did it. Yay!

He turns Twitter HQ into a homeless shelter

This is probably a troll on his part, but Musk has suggested that since Twitter’s employees all work from home, they could ideally turn the headquarters into a homeless shelter. And honestly, why the fuck not? I know he probably won’t, but Twitter’s headquarters borders the Tenderloin and SoMa, both neighborhoods deal with an extreme amount of homelessness. I can’t really think of a better use of the building. There’s almost something poetic about it.

Nothing changes at all

There is a chance Musk doesn’t do shit. He allows employees to continue to work from home. He doesn’t move the headquarters and the building just sits empty for the foreseeable future. This would mean that Musk’s Twitter takeover had no effect on San Francisco at all, but that doesn’t make for an exciting article.

Regardless of what happens, Twitter still sucks.

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Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff is a San Francisco-based writer, editor and digital content creator known for Bay Area Memes, a local meme page that has amassed nearly 200k followers. His work has appeared in SFGATE, The Bold Italic and of course, BrokeAssStuart.com. His book of short stories, personal essays and poetry entitled Don't Drown on Dry Ground will be available early 2022.

10 Comments

  1. Teresa Towers
    April 26, 2022 at 12:44 pm — Reply

    Shitty article- I can’t believe I read the entire piece. Negative bs

  2. Dana
    April 27, 2022 at 2:47 pm — Reply

    Who is writing this trash?

  3. Cadence
    April 28, 2022 at 9:21 pm — Reply

    Musk isn’t geared to run a social media, on top of all the other ventures he owns. If he was serious, he could creates something from the ground up like he did with other ventures. But piggy backing on a company that disagrees with him isn’t really gonna be smooth. He’s erratic, and throwing a fit on his own platform is just gonna plain weird.

    His stance on free speech is speculative.
    Trump was banned for a good reason, cos he’s destructive. If Musk allowed Trump back on, it would be stupid and criminal.

    Social medias is fun in theory, but doomed in practice, because it can’t keep up its moderation with it’s unlimited expansion (when it starts going international.) So inevitably it ends up becoming shitty. Facebook is responsible for allowing genocide to take place using its platform. Because they failed to moderate it’s contents in other countries. Part of the issue is profit over lives.

    A lot of issues come from lack of accountability, Musk is no exception! He has pending lawsuits over racism and sexual harassment in his company.

  4. Luciano Mezzetta
    April 29, 2022 at 12:19 am — Reply

    This article is full of woke bullshit. One, like myself, can dislike Musk, Dorsey, Zukerburg, and the other high tech elitists without being a Trump supporter. Any sane person not beholden to woke anti freedom of speech narrative knew Twitter was pro regime. Yeah, high tech destroyed the City. Woke double standards, like those espoused here, will bury it.

  5. May 1, 2022 at 5:39 am — Reply

    Actually, Elon Musk is a really outstanding person with a special business sense and huge intellectual abilities. Quite frankly, I wasn’t surprised that he bought Twitter and I have no doubts that this purchase will affect Twitter to a huge extent, bearing Elon Musk huge fruits. Of course, Twitter will not be the same and its policy can significantly change, but we can only make assumptions in what way, but not know for sure. It seems to me that all these scenarios are possible because every point is reasonable, but I wouldn’t like to see some of them. Without any doubts, Elon Musk can leave it at that, but I think that this is not a right strategy because it is not effective. I think that changes are necessary, especially, when there is an opportunity to make them progressive and efficient to a global extent. I really hope that Elon Musk will take Twitter to the next level.

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